Mike Koelzer

Where’s the money Lebowski

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@Delta @KoreanAir

One of your agents ripped my passport and almost got me deported. I still need to get to a wedding in Bali. Someone please help me. I cannot believe this.

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@Delta @KoreanAir @KoreanAir

Can you please tell me why I am stuck in Seoul for the next 2-3 days due to a gate agent accidentally tearing my passport, denied boarding to DSP due to said tear, and then tried to deport me to LAX?!

I am now stuck in Korea with no where to stay

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@njleno24 @_WoahNelly_ RAIN DRAINS!

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@JAHGriff Few people know this

This joke was so bad that it actually killed Lance Reddick when he read it

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

Just found out Doja Cat is not an NFT

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@JAHGriff Yea but if it’s stemless tho

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

STAIK AND LOBSTAH

That’s right baby, just like everyones favorite outback menu item.. We. Are. Back

Please don’t cancel me #keezydonttweet

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

How Sway!!?

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@wizardofazi She’s making her sacrificial offering to the autumnal Gods 🌋🍂🍁

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

Anytime someone gets stung or bitten by an animal I immediately tell them to pee on it just to see if they’ll do it. #JellysOnly

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

I’m about four weeks from jumping ship and starting a fruit cart in Nicaragua

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@twitter why haven’t y’all verified me yet?

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@bjinandtonic @captainslog2k19 BJ lives!!

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@captainslog2k19 But yes I am more flexible than y’all stiffasses

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@captainslog2k19 Falsehoods.

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@captainslog2k19

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@ryan_donahue12 @captainslog2k19 Wth is a fortitude.. We have more resolve then u’ll ever have there Donny

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

I will proceed to refresh my email until class is canceled. Shocked that https://t.co/yEqxUXld0M petition hasn’t worked yet?! They’re always so legitimate and impactful..

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

Weezer dropped a cover album #Idontwantnoscrub

[Mike Koelzer @mkoelzer]

@mike_atkenson FAKE NEWS!! False allusion