Modern Philosopher

World renowned #philosopher

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

Despite being an "island", Antarctica has no south coast. Only one big North coast.

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

Ever noticed how supervillains are always trying to change things and superheroes always try to resist the change?

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

Casinos should play monopoly with actual money

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

If I save up all my dryer lint, I could spin it back into yarn and knit myself a sweater that's the average color of my entire wardrobe.

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

For Halloween, SnapChat should add a person standing in the background only after you take the picture.

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

I have an undergrad degree in math. I wonder how far back in time I have to go to be considered the world's greatest mathematician

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

Amazon should have a "Secret Santa" feature, where you buy an item for a random person who has it on their wish list.

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

The Assassin's Creed series is going to run out of time periods where it's normal to have large piles of hay lying around.

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

Our ultimate goal is to make as many people as sad as possible when we die.

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

Watching Jeopardy backwards would be about a panel of 3 people asking Alex Trebek questions that he always gets right.

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

While Apple's new campus is being built, I wonder how many jokes have been made about "installing windows"

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

Now that I'm older, I realize the joke isn't that Squidward hates his job, but that SpongeBob loves it.

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

Most people are buried in suits and stuff so a zombie apocalypse would be a formal event

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

By the end of this century people will start looking up their ancestors on Facebook.

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

I wonder what my dog named me

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

The word "Fat" just looks like someone took a bite out of the first letter of the word "Eat".

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

i have never seen a blind person reading a public braille sign

[Modern Philosopher @modernphilosofy]

Mummies are just upper-class zombies.