amateur dictator

All opinions expressed are personally endorsed by @JoeBiden

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

They know my Instagram username, not my Instagram story

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

@EpicMasterChief https://t.co/nYPuoMeIsn

[Temu Joan Didion 🍉 @temujoandidion]

When you have a friend

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

I told everyone i didn’t want to do model un in high school because they condoned human rights abuses but actually i just didn’t want to write all those essays

[Temu Joan Didion 🍉 @temujoandidion]

When you have a friend

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

@EpicMasterChief Its Benjamin Netanyahu, David Petraeus, and Benjamin Netanyahu 2

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

Fly me out to Japanistan 😍

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

It’s me, the CEO of Paramount Plus. We just bought 20 seasons of Young Cartman

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

My teachers after a pleasant five minute conversation with me:

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

@EpicMasterChief To that menu he’s just a guy

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

(leaving an elevator full of strangers): Ok see you guys in the Japan Trip Groupchat

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

@hyperbolu what’s a white man doing blessing the rains in africa... probably would mess up and cause a global drought

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

White people need to prove to me that they’re responsible before they tell me they have a shoes off household. No it’s not.

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

Why did mankind engineer tissues to shed useless microscopic particles of paper fucking everywhere?? Notice how napkins dont even do that??

[َ @spiderlnd]

do not put me in charge in any situation cus i'll start running that shit like the navy and everybody will wanna die

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

(loudly into my shirt collar at the dispensary self checkout) “SO WE HAVE A DEAL?”

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

Fiction writers when someone lies to them

[samuel @samqpeirce]

RICE purity test

1. made a faux pas
2. made a blunder…while someone else watched
3. spilled soda/sweets causing a stain
4. gum in hair
5. forgot to do homework once
6. stuttered

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

Omg its so funny its like one of the sons is really fancy and serious the other son is also fancy and serious but the dad isn’t fancy and he’s not as serious- Ohhhhhhhhhh you said BRAIN SEIZURE okay sorry

[amateur dictator @mohanmoproblems]

Brief moments of lucidity where I realize my new jersey accent sounds like a speech impediment