Jennifer Scharf

expert parallel parker

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

So much for Creamy Mushroom Spaghetti tonight 🍄 — feeling disgusted

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

Suburbia. Where every other house on the block has a llama print in the bathroom and a unicorn mug in the cupboard.

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

10y: Mom, watch me do the splits! 🤸‍♀️
Me: Not until you stop saying “the splits!”
#itsasplitnotthesplits

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

PTO moms out in full force this morning! It’s like 6th grade again, only with better handbags and Botox. 💅🏻

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

‘Mom, I have four kinds of farts. Sad, happy, angry and nervous. The one you just smelled was a nervous fart.’ #backtoschooljitters

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

The mom at the pool eye-rolling and giving slow claps while muttering “great job, you look like a Ninja” followed by an unenthusiastic “whoo-hoo” as her twin sons repeatedly jump off the diving board is all of us - only her pain is doubled. #endofsummer #goingoutwithasplash 💦

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

Psychopath dad sitting next to me at the town pool furiously digging into his Italian Ice 🍋 with a wooden spoon - scraping, spearing, crushing. It’s terrifying and mesmerizing. #alphaeater

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

Gave the 10yo a crate of my old CDs. She took them down to the local record shop and traded the stash in for vinyl. 🎶🤓😆

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

How’s the 1-Inch Slant D 3-Ring View Binder, 5 Big Tab Two-Tone 2 Pocket Plastic Divider shopping going!! 🚌 📚 🍎

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

I’m thinking some pussy bow blouses might spice up the fall wardrobe. 🎀🔥

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

MAJOR CRISIS at the local farm stand! Should I try to hold onto summer and buy corn on the cob 🌽 and sunflowers 🌻 or dive right into decorative gourd season 🎃 and go for the stalks 🌾 and mums?! #nofo #endofsummer

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

Utensils 🥄🍴 in the dishwasher facing up or down? #chorewars

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

Household Battles Summer '18
Unsalted vs Salted Butter
A/C 68°f vs 72°f
Bottled Water vs Reverse Osmosis Filtered Tap
Spray Deodorant vs Stick

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

Everybody walks around with a full set of baby teeth jingling around at the bottom of their purse, right? #gagtasticfinds #toothfairyfail

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

There’s no such thing as one round of monopoly - it’s a prison sentence! 5 days later and the board is still on the table with no end in sight. #summerfun #shootmedead

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

On the 592nd fold she couldn’t turn the teeny-tiny piece of origami paper into a cute little fox. She threw her arthritic hands in the air and declared, “Quiet summer mommy & me craft time is over! Go outside... https://t.co/7xsrRLDRNc

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

Life's too short - remove the wax protector from the candle you've been saving since 1992 and burn that motherfucker!

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

The hearse driver got lost on the way to the cemetery at my grandfather’s funeral. The processional followed him down a dead end street where he proceeded to pull into the driveway of Joey Bag o' Donuts who was... https://t.co/gDfXdWBige

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

To the subhuman who didn’t return their shopping cart 🛒 and dented my new car on its first run to the grocery - karma is a motherfucker and it’s coming for you!

[Jennifer Scharf @momcoms]

This is where we stop setting the alarm and roll in late to school. T-Minus 7 Days. #isitoveryet 📚🚌🍎