Momku

Coping in 5-7-5. Alter ego: @letterb

[Momku @momku]

There's a room in Hell / entirely carpeted / with tiny Legos

[Momku @momku]

Each kid must get a / valentine. One more reason / to reduce class size

[Momku @momku]

Over-40 sex / still great thanks to miracle / drug: ibuprofen

[Momku @momku]

First trip to the pool /
Suits? Check. Sunscreen? Check. Snacks? Check. /
Bikini line? Shit.

[Momku @momku]

Kid believes in a / giant bunny but finds God / implausible. Oy.

[Momku @momku]

At roller skating / party for 6-year-olds. Two / words: comedy gold.

[Momku @momku]

This time of year needs / a name revision. I'll be/ suggesting "Schleptide"

[Momku @momku]

Son's blood work is back / Doctors confirm that boy is / 90% cheese stick

[Momku @momku]

Three-year old walks in / to Thanksgiving kitchen and / asks "What's for dinner?"

[Momku @momku]

Resisted candy / all month. Snorting Pixie Stix / to make up lost time

[Momku @momku]

There's no use crying / over spilt milk. Unless that / shit is organic

[Momku @momku]

Curriculum night / Principal is chewing gum / Instant demerit

[Momku @momku]

Son tells me his Bear / is nineteen. Thinking Bear should / find new place to sleep

[Momku @momku]

Son smashed his brand new / recorder. Thus saving me / the future trouble

[Momku @momku]

Whoever came up / with "like a day at the beach" / did not bring toddlers

[Momku @momku]

Kids gave puppet show / using just one word: "poop." Watch / out, Ionesco

[Momku @momku]

And on the eighth day / God woke up and created / one last thing: day camp

[Momku @momku]

Look, what happens in / the bouncy castle stays in / the bouncy castle

[Momku @momku]

Broke, don't know the time, / drunk on schnapps. Casino scene? / Nope, at IKEA

[Momku @momku]

Suddenly being / called a "soccer mom" doesn't / feel half bad #worldcup

[Momku @momku]

Once a year am the / perfect wife. No bitching, no / nagging, no panties