Laura

single boy mom of 2 with chronic health problems, finding the humor amongst all the chaos.

[Laura @moms_not_here]

Was just thinking this! Lol

[Snarky Mommy @SnarkyMommy78]

Me: I need to get my shit together

My shit: not today, girl, not today

[Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ @maryfairybobrry]

One does not simply take off pajamas to go to Wal-Mart.

[Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ @maryfairybobrry]

#WhyIDrinkIn4Words Because I have kids.

[Laura @moms_not_here]

@daddydoubts Mine poured toilet water on the kitchen table, peed on the kitchen floor, then ran off naked... mine might be ready too

[Laura @moms_not_here]

Oh good... my almost 4yr old child is doing a thing where he’s peeing everywhere else but in the bathroom. He peed on my shower towel and just now in the kitchen.

Here I was hopeful that he was growing out of being difficult.

Preschool is going to be a nightmare.
#ToddlerLife

[Laura @moms_not_here]

@Tired_Dad_of_2 Mine eat pizza or ramen noodles for breakfast half the time

[Laura @moms_not_here]

Went grocery shopping, came home starving, got 3’s food quickly and started making my lunch. Had to stop to get him more to eat, he ended up eating 3 lunches before I finished my 1. 🤦🏼‍♀️
#toddlermom #toddlerlife #boymom

[Laura @moms_not_here]

@MaryJustice86 I mean if someone is willing to pay, I’ll find the nicest ones google has!

[Laura @moms_not_here]

I was explaining corporate greed to my 9 yr old... he is mind blown that someone would choose money over the well being of others!
#momlife #boymom

[Laura @moms_not_here]

My 3 yr really has a way of making me regret doing anything for myself.

Did my nails, and the tiny one dumped out 3 bottles of my gel polish.

I just got rid of all the regular nail polish to keep from having to scrub nail polish out of the bathtub.
#MomLife #toddlerlife

[Laura @moms_not_here]

@parentingsport Yeah, I swear I buy a dozen a month of those with the character tops too. Some how I can only find a few of them too. Where is this blackhole at?

[Laura @moms_not_here]

I bought a stupid amount of socks so we didn’t have that problem of searching for socks in the morning before school...

I had to search for a pair of socks this morning... where did all of 9’s sock go???

[Laura @moms_not_here]

I think my toddler might be trying to see how far he can push me before I break today. #toddlerlife #toddlermom

[Laura @moms_not_here]

@_HeatherBlair Right?! 🙄 my 3yr old uses the metal straws for evil, and has a meltdown bc I normally put up the disposable straws when they hand them out anyway!
He yelled at me in the store one time bc I wouldn’t put our vegetables in a plastic bag too! Lol

[Laura @moms_not_here]

Back and forth the whole day trying to get this huge canvas for my mom, it’s omg humid today. Went to turn my fan on and discovered that my 3yr old stuck a metal straw in it and turned it on, burned up the motor! #toddlerlife #toddlermom #notamused

[Laura @moms_not_here]

@faungirl123 I’m stronger than most of those spineless douchebags to begin with... I’ve survived what would kill most people... so I will not apologize for loving tacos!!!

[Laura @moms_not_here]

@MrGirlDad My runs down the sidewalk in his underwear most of the time, like an escaped mental patient.
I swear the neighbors were talking shit about me yesterday when we got back home.

[Laura @moms_not_here]

@Secret_Vent I’m working on very drunk at the moment!! We had to go to Michaels and pick up giant canvas for my mom, I literally had to drag 3 to checkout today bc he pitched a fit so bad! 😓 good thing I’ve hidden bottles of OJ from him, need it for my vodka!

[Laura @moms_not_here]

Turns out I would rather let my toddler live on his tablet.
Here are the reasons why...

It’s quieter.

I feel a sense of peace that I haven’t felt in a long time.

I’m able to get something done for once in the last 3 1/2 years.

Did I mention its quieter?
#MomLife

[Laura @moms_not_here]

@notsoevilrick I had mine shipped amazon prime, I couldn’t be bothered to go to the store.