monica⚡️shmonica

choose not a life of imitation

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

the lady at the cheese counter asked if i wanted white or yellow and i thought she said “why are you yelling” and i was like “oh, am i yelling? sorry” and she said “no ma’am white or yellow cheese”

lol take your headphones out folks 👍🏼

[Fin @gofinurself]

Canada to the US https://t.co/DyAjlEtnnf

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

i had a dream that i went to the woodbury commons outlet and now i’m like.. do i book a flight to ny just to get back to that loewe??

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

watching “that” episode of succession with my dad and he’s most upset about nobody asking the pilot for the eta back teterboro

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

my favorite work email game is “is it shade or am i just reading it shady”

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

faking it til you’re making it isn’t as chill as it sounds

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

“oh and i found an aderall in the stairwell the other day”
“how do you know it’s an aderall?”
“because i’ve…. been around the block”

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

reasons to be nice when your food is taking too long at a restaurant:
1. common decency and empathy
2. free espresso martini

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

“do you want to buy this or do you want to go to europe?”

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

the nice thing about being a woman in tech is there usually isnt anyone in the bathroom 💁🏽‍♀️

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

RIHANNA. PREGNANT. PERFORMING IN THE SKY. that’s all

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

damn this capital one cafe barista HATES starbucks

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

@ForeverAkeem i’m having flashbacks to my ex and 🤮🤮🤮

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

i’m out to lunch right now and this bartender is literally talking in cursive i can’t understand a word but i also can’t say “sorry?” one more time sos

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

my dad 5 seconds into being in the rental i got: you know these floor mats are on the wrong side we need to switch them out
me: it’s ok it’s just a rental
*dad proceeds to switch out mats and inspect full vehicle for other issues that don’t affect anything*

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

the white girl “wooo!” has got to be the worst sound ever

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

that “set your alarm for the next day at 4pm so you don’t forget” drunk

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

little girl at work: wow i love your necklace, it’s so beautiful
me: oh thank you!
lgaw: i love your earrings! they’re beaaautiful
me: wow thank you so much!!
lgaw: ….soooo…do you like anything of mine???
🤣🤣🤣 i was set up!!!

[Danny Pellegrino @DannyPellegrino]

Dissociating today by imagining a world where I'm spending the afternoon playing Gamecube with Paris Hilton.

[monica⚡️shmonica @monalee_sah]

girl at the bar: and congratulations!!
me: on what?
girl: idk whatever you’ve got going on!
me: oh lol thanks you too!
girl: thanks i just had a baby with my husband and then realized i’m poly so then i got a boyfriend too!
me: oh so like congrats forreal!