when ur playing "cards against humanity" and u think ur card is hilarious and then the person reads it out loud and not a single person laughs, yeah that shit hurts
There’s all these tweets about midwesterners saying “ope” all the time. What really needs to be talked about though is how we whisper “scuse me” so quietly when walking by someone we might as well say nothing
Midwest dads:
gets bill at restaurant: "what’s the damage”
tightens strap on back of truck: “that’s not going anywhere”
flips over a piece of meat on the grill: “oh yeah that’s money right there”
answers the phone: “YELLO”https://t.co/53Y14DN0mq
I’m a boomer comedian and i HATE my WIFE and KIDS use too much PHONE. KIDS use PHONE like WIFE eats BURGER. AND these KIDS hate reading BOOK as much as I HATE my WIFE. MY STUPID WIFE. i HATE my WIFE. My STUPID STUPID WIFE. AND KIDS be on TOO MUCH PHONE. I HATE WIFE and PHOEN