Melmel

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🐶💜💨
Sometimes I post things that shouldn't be said out loud 🤷‍♀️
cash app: $m0nkeemel

[Melmel @monkee]

@CWBChicago "The Cook County court system is not subject to the Freedom of Information Act..."

Wtf 🤯

[Melmel @monkee]

Texting with my seester about the quinceaños.

Me: Some guy mentioned he stopped eating burgers for Taylor Swift's wedding. I couldn't even do it for my niece's quinceñera 💀���😆

[Melmel @monkee]

I think, que le heche mucha crema a mis tacos, on my self performance evaluation 🤣

Pero si yo no, quien🤷🏽‍♀️🤓

[Melmel @monkee]

@Moo_does_drugs Didn't she pull the same shit with the wedding dress? 😡

[Melmel @monkee]

When a question is asked and they stay silent....

I'm testing you Bitches, I already know the answer 😆

[Melmel @monkee]

Changing my side marker bulbs on my vehicle.

Dad: if it's giving you a hard time, just put some tape on it.
Me: My nail glue will hold it a lot better.

💅💪🤣

[Melmel @monkee]

Chilling outside with a beezy in hand and suddenly there's a parade in front of my house 💀🤷🏽‍♀️👋💨
#neighborhoodwatch

[Melmel @monkee]

There's a bird nest in his balcony.

Him: I already spoke to her. Told her she can stay until babies are born but they all gotta go afterwards.
*tells me in a baby voice

😆

[Melmel @monkee]

@popup_tddy Because it's like looking into her eyes after a kiss 💨

[Melmel @monkee]

.@Astro_Christina giving a shout out to her nieces and nephews 🥹
#auntievibes #nasa

[Melmel @monkee]

I went to say happy birthday to my mom before leaving for work. She tells me about her plans for the day.

As I'm walking out...
Mom: Your sister is going to have her nephew today *my exes son
Me: Awww 🥹

Go spend time with your could've been grandson 🤣

[Melmel @monkee]

Me: The emergency door's latch seems to be broken, the door is wide open.
Engineer: Have you tried closing it?
Me: I'm not strong enough. The latch won't go past that thingy that holds it.

70 year old coworker walks over and closes it 💀😆

[Melmel @monkee]

Trying to figure out why I'm so hungry this morning.

I found my torta uneaten on the counter. My can of Sprite frozen in the freezer.

Then I remember, oh yea I ate that edible and knocked the fuck out 🤣

[Melmel @monkee]

Freight train is at a complete stop. Over the years I have convinced myself that the conductor gets off to have lunch.

And here we wait🚗🚗🚗🚗🚗...🚂🛤 while he eats, laughs and scrolls thru his phone.

*it's only been 15mins 😆

[Melmel @monkee]

@PatTheDesigner Yes, I watch it in my underwear! Lol

[Melmel @monkee]

@madisontayt_ Visiting PR I once told a man at a bar, "Yo soy bien cabrona" but in Mexican (like bad-ass). 🤣 He politely told me not to say that again while visiting PR 💀

[Melmel @monkee]

Family snapchats could be ignored for hours at a time. Except when my mother responds. Then everyone and they momma's be replying back 💀🤣
#maslesvale #cabrones

[Melmel @monkee]

Seester: You okay or do you need Lorazepam? I have some.

Me: It's okay, I panicked so now I have 3 shots of tequila in me 💀

#reallyflying

[Melmel @monkee]

My flight leaves Saturday at 6am.
Have I packed yet? No
Have I tried on the clothes I bought? No
Do I have a dress for the wedding? Also, no.

Procrastination at its finest! 😏

[Melmel @monkee]

Telling my dad I'm picking up cheese steaks for dinner.

My mom half asleep: Who are you buying cheesecakes for?
Me: Señora, what's with all the questions? You were just snoring your ass off 🤣
#parentingparents