vampire expert

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

@cagedysphoria Wrong people who don't change their pfp are identity addicts

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

Me to surfing instructor: I live for the waves man
Surfing instructor: that's great, you are really bad at surfing though

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

(lighting a candle in a room of 5 people) you guys fucking suck I've had enough of your vitriol

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

Y'all will cut open a watermelon and say "y'all this shit is fr"

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

My favorite anime character? It's not fucking Brian from family guy that would be a rather foolish choice (goes on phone under the table and tweets "someone just ordered a fucking salad for dinner... Lol he is a emotional terrorist tho")

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

The ice cream truck driver leaned back in his seat and chuckled "you guys don't need this much" the group of men confused and one of them said "you're gonna sell us that in which we ordered"

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

Your armor is very low level but I still think you're able to smoke hasheesh in this keep just be polite and offer to share with passerbys and if a guard asks you something just say "that's a great question but unfortunately I haven't the linguistic enterprise to answer"

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

Nobody feels like telling you this but you are a compelling actor who just got cast in my short film

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

You should level up in your preferred gender anytime you lie to someone undetected

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

Doing coke and telling people at a bar "there's a lot to unpack here" about whatever they're saying

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

@zanderceo This is horrible advice. You should be rigorously analyzing tweets to optimize your posting, not just tweeting endlessly

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

Smartest person in the room you say. Let's hear that take in a conference call with the CFO of this company. And don't be eating a donut this time

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

Nope. Your making an sumption and I don't need that energy !

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

Telling the town drunk to "scoop and score" as I drop a 20 on the sidewalk and walk away and as he's bending over to pick it up a local news crew arrives and the anchor says "here we have a clever man on his day, what a day it is for this man" and he says "I'm spending it on ai"

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

@hikari_no_yume I think yeah

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

Everyone you know just moved to nyc and is creating important art

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

Telling the substitute teacher "you got 6 kids in this class who ain't never recorded something on SoundCloud" and he says "that's interesting because last I heard your mother is of Elfen blood and wants you to fight in a 7 century war and you don't even really have bars"

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

Running in the park and I notice a fat guy is running behind me so without thinking I'm like "Elmer fudge" and he rolls to the side, gets up and says "you didn't need much time for that one. Tell me this genius, where do we stand on the nra"

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

I'm climbing the library at Harvard later and telling everyone they don't seek knowlege

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

Y'all will pass the blunt and when I pass it back say "my move"

[vampire expert @mossypuddles]

The guy who just came into American apparel and bought 400 dollars of clothes and said "Im buying these clothes" at checkout. What did you realize after that