i was in my car sipping gas station opium in the Bos-Wash hinterland (charging my vapor cigarette) when, absentmindedly scrolling my portable joybox, i became entranced by video of the president’s UFC gladiator birthday. the last time i saw bugs on a windshield i was seven
:% //: INCOMING TRANSMISSION %: //
<PRIORITY CONTRACT>
>//://[STATUS INITIATE]//>
find all the beautiful devs who worked on
Marathon and jerk them off to completion (0/?*)
{IN A SINGLE RUN}
Broke into my doctor’s office late last night, to steal the answers for the eye exam tomorrow. Fled in a hurry and cannot remember if I put away the speculum where I found it, after trying to give myself a Pap smear.
You’re peeling 81mph in the left lane on I-25 and a ford transit pulls up to the lane beside you, matching speed. It’s me. Hello. I turn my body a full 90° and put both palms flat up against the glass. Squished nose and open mouth joined by my vacant wide eyes. I’d like to merge.
Saw castration movie and have been listening to the soundtrack. Woag. I must Live life in a way that is antithetical to Incel Superman. Ready? GO! https://t.co/pIA3QZbecn
Guys at the shop said they could “Check under the hood and take a look” and I’m currently being trespassed and detained after whipping out my uncircumcised scrotum.
Boss said he needs to see me in his office
Closed the door and he said spin around for me and I did and then he said that’s all he needed and I was free to go
When we string these guys up, where are we going to do it?? What’s our Nuremberg? Mar-a-Lago? The ballroom maybe ? Pete Hegseth’s mired and dank goon cave perhaps ? What is the heart of the American Regime ? Buccees? Open to suggestions
Suspiciously elongated package in the mail for me. Comedic savant and 26 year old brother says “Your dildo came in today.” Nice one. Grow up. It’s a literally just a bike pump, man. For my latex inflation fetish.