maxwell.

I’m not happy about it either

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

Crab rangoons.

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

@Mark__SZN …

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

Only early birds will get this:

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

“Okay so we’re going south according to my compass”

-ANF

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

Call me a submarine

because I am lost and a concern to society.

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

Sometimes you get Popeyes.

Sometimes Popeyes gets you.

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

just got a “nice work big guy 👌🏻”

none of you plebeians interact with me for the rest of the day.

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

Oh? An invasive species has disrupted your biome?

Sounds like a skill issue. Get off ranked.

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

Just watched Fast & Furious.

My favorite part was when they drove quickly & angrily.

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

No one even bothered to stop and ask WHY a woodchuck would chuck wood

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

What if we kissed in front of the bus stop xD

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

To whomever keeps the filet-o-fish on the McDonald’s menu:

You will pay for your crimes against humanity. Judgement will be swift.

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

All the kids are telling me to listen to Morgan Wahlberg, “Good Vibrations” is okay AT BEST. Calm down.

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

Mine🅱️raft and 🅱️uddle? #bloodVDay

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

@Mark__SZN

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

Don’t get me wrong, ranch is a delicious condiment.
However choosing blue cheese is a sign of maturity.
Some of you just need to come to terms with that.

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

(At my boss's funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin):

"Who's thinking outside the box now
Gary?"

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

@sambark99

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

Honestly, the placental mammals have had their time in the sun. Let’s let the marsupials drive the bus for a bit.

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

Saw a bald Eagle this morning. Now have a burning desire to strangle a Canada goose.

[maxwell. @mpb_38]

👩🏻: “I understand your fear of apes, but I just don’t think the uprising is gonna happen”

THIS is exactly what they WANT, you’re playing RIGHT into their elongated hands!!