alan

if you see me tweeting you should be concerned for me

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

This joke is funny I promise

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

T-shirt that says “I’m a geologist let me examine your cleavage planes”

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

Do you think Justin Trudeau asked Katy Perry about the time she killed a nun?

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

Feel like you’re about to sneeze? Try taking several large sips of water and holding them in your mouth

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

I think if you took my head off my spine would pop out like those snakes in a can

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

Live fast die young snort vanilla extract

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

I don’t have autism I just don’t like the skin on my limbs to be touching each other

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

Gender reveal party but there’s bees everywhere

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

Gender reveal party where I get a completely different baby and paint it pink or blue based on the sex of the gender reveal baby.

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

Gender reveal funeral ( I pantsed the corpse)

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

Gender reveal ipecac party

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

Spots all over the world

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

My life is a gongshow and baby I’m playing percussion in the orchestra BONNNNGGGGGGGGG BONNNNNGGGFGGGGG

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

Save me open world video games save me

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

Call me a dog the way she beggin me to sit, stay, co-

*loaded into a cannon and shot into the sun*

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

What level of crazy white person would I be if I went in one of those sensory deprivation tanks that spas have because I think one of those might fix me

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

God give me the strength not to strangle this man, the wisdom to know not to strangle this man, and the peace to deal with not strangling this man

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

The amount of times I bump into something easily avoidable is astounding

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

You know what time it is

[alan @mr_bingo_boy]

Paramedics are the best conversationalists in the world