Mr. Swanson

Husband of amazing wife, father of two beastie boys, teacher of 8th graders, and collector of reasonably priced Nikes. Size 13.

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

“That just depressed me”
My son, speaking about my drive thru order

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@regularbarnett What’s the square root of this apartment?!?

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@RKalland That little guy. I wouldn’t worry about that little guy

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

thought I saw a student texting under his desk. when I adjusted my angle I noticed he was building a sword out of highlighters.

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@IanKarmel Proliferating Pizzerias could also be an indie band?

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@YatesMcBain He pitched both games I’ve attended at Fenway. One, the summer after 7th grade and another, the summer I turned 26 :(

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@BobbyBigWheel From memory I’ll you our tallest point is called Hoosier Hill and it is, what, 1200’ above sea level

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@TimsNeighbor @YatesMcBain He also kinda looks like the smart brother of the derpy UConn logo

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@YatesMcBain Green, McKee, and Vonnegut 🫡 🫡🫡

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

left my son’s two week supply of various vitamins on the counter and my dog ate them.
so if you see a labradoodle levitating, it’s just Bernard

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@mrgartrelle Why’s his top ten only have 9 on it? 🤔

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@drewmagary Me and 2 buddies moving a driveway with crowbars

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@YatesMcBain I need more pls

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@outofcontextAFE I would like this, please

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@WhtWouldDingoDo You’re a blessed man

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

Saw an old arbys sign in the wild, like this photo and receive seven days of good luck, and 24 hours of heartburn

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@Frediculous person that did it:

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@53viroqua have you done the architectural tour in Columbus, Indiana, and/or The Miller House? It’s pretty fantastic!

[Mr. Swanson @Mr_Swanson_]

@Frediculous I’m telling you. Those 50s in the mornings are what I envy the most. Sweating while walking the dogs first thing <<<

[Phillip Barnett @regularbarnett]

Pizza soup