Andrew Davidson

Consumer Friendly Comedy Writer

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

One of my favourite things about The Shining, is that Dick Hollaran traveled 3,416 KM from Miami to The Overlook Hotel just to get absolutely dummied by an axe to the chest in two seconds

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

Like a heavyweight coming out of retirement... @BlueJays @Schneiders #September23

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

Thank God, we got Charlie Sheen's opinion...

[The Vigilant Fox 🦊 @VigilantFox]

Joe Rogan warns Charlie Kirk’s death could ignite a “Rodney King moment.”

“One of two things is going to happen,” he says.

1.) “People are going to realize how fucking insane this is, and we have to have a conversation about being able to have conversations.”

2.) “It’s going to get a lot worse… this could spark off some kind of a real violent conflict… And if conservatives find out that he got killed for something that they vehemently oppose in the first place, it could send people over the edge.”

CHARLIE SHEEN: “There’s always that flashpoint moment in previous times like this. There’s always that tipping point moment.”

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

@locknoe If the sandwich pokes it's head out and sees it's shadow how many more weeks of winter do we get? 🤔🤔

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

"Let's put Christmas ornaments in the flimsiest fucking packaging we can find"

- Some fucking business guy

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

Can we replace Christmas with a less shitty holiday this sucks

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

7 seasons into a sitcom and you're sick of those motherfuckers

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

Working out when I'm depressed so that I'm depressed AND sweaty

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

@nbcsnl oughta get @TheMuppets as the musical guest

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

You look at one T shirt online and instagram fucks u up with targeted ads

[John Macintosh @jamacintosh]

i've heard there was a crystal flute
that lizzo played and it pleased the youth
but you don't really care for music, do you?

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

Why there so many fuckin bees bro

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

Cheese Whiz, Cat Food, Cum... Donut

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

The only downside of Swiss cheese is that your missing at least 5% of the cheese

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

Elon out here trying to impregnate anything that moves. Gotta get those numbers up.

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Doing my best to help the underpopulation crisis.

A collapsing birth rate is the biggest danger civilization faces by far.

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

If you love God so much, why don't you suck his dick?

[Danny DeVito @DannyDeVito]

Supreme Court my ass

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

We gotta being back spinning rim's

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

Sometimes water not having a taste is good. I ain't trying to taste diet coke and the cigarette I just smoked

[Andrew Davidson @MrAndy_D]

My phone's auto correct when I text a three syllable word instead of typing like an absolute caveman: