andy

[Softboy @softboywin]

the reason most of us stay up late is because we don't want our free time to end and tomorrow to start

[Walter Covenant: Messiah: Part 3 @WalterCovenant_]

2026 every 3 months

[ً @artfuIchaos]

can’t believe it’s already August. time flies when you live life on survival mode and work everyday of your fucking life.

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

Job interviews are always like, “What can you do?”

Sir, I’m a millennial born in the ‘90s. Just tell me what I need to know, and I’ll master it in three days.

[beauty🤍 @beautyskillz]

I think Pokémon needs to give us what we really want. One massive game that has ALL of the regions and Pokémon. Allow us to start in Pallet Town and literally go through the entire Pokémon journey, all in one game.

[justin @JayyRayy_]

this is so scary good, she’s also actually full blown insane

[caught hantavirus on a swingers cruise @abs_sweetmarie]

Really one of the GOAT tweets of this website.

[PSF Sierra @slothsaretight3]

Gas is 4 dollars a gallon and I'm driving 45 minutes for the odyssey and 70mm. Matt Damon better come out of the screen and fuck me.

[Neet @neet_sol]

The economy is so bad that scam messages went from “you won the lottery” to “remote job available $18/hr”

[Forrest Brazeal @forrestbrazeal]

yer in mandatory security training, harry

[BuffaloRon @BuffaloRon]

Me: I'm going to eat healthy

Lettuce: I'm going to give you explosive diarrhea

Oreos in the pantry: I would never do that to you

[Louise Jensen Duffy (also Ernest Jensen) @LouiseWeebe]

You’re listening to Sisyphus FM, the home of non-stop rock.

[𐌕 🍂 @fwtimini]

Why don't pizza places give away those tiny little tables from the pizza boxes anymore? My dolls have to eat off the floor now, and it's bullshit.

[Mina Kimes @minakimes]

It’s not my man Haalands fault that he’s bigger and stronger than everyone

[Habeas Corpus Linguistics @HabCorpLinguist]

Someone should invent a version of Outlook that can search for emails and find them.

[Shea Serrano @SheaSerrano]

i just feel like haaland should be able to shove anyone he wants any time he wants

[ѕєиɪ @zalatwicc]

i said it's my favorite movie i didn't say it was good

[bonnie @fwrosting]

when my mom behaves i reward her with information about my life