Mister David

Amateur anthropologist of modern life, finding the humor in people, places, current events, and everything in between. Tequila sunrise in hand.

[Mister David @mrdavidblaze]

@GuiverMiguel Hello 👋

[Mister David @mrdavidblaze]

@GainPlugSource 💰

[Mister David @mrdavidblaze]

@DUU4 Dream

[Mister David @mrdavidblaze]

@berkanagaa USA

[Mister David @mrdavidblaze]

@DUU4 Mind 💡

[Mister David @mrdavidblaze]

@berkanagaa Hello 👋

[Uncle Bob 🍩 @UncleBob56]

Diet & fitness go hand in hand so I just fitness whole cheeseburger in my mouth.

[Mister David @mrdavidblaze]

@Hamza_Directa Best 🎉

[Mister David @mrdavidblaze]

@DUU4 Hello 👋

[Mister David @mrdavidblaze]

@berkanagaa Help 👋

[Mister David @mrdavidblaze]

@berkanagaa Go 👋

[Gramps @GrandpaHarris65]

Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

[owen cyclops @owenbroadcast]

me: hey, we don’t throw fruits. fruit bruises, like people. we don’t bruise fruit, we don’t bruise people.

2 year old girl: we cut fruit, we cut people

me: … … no.

[mmeatloaf @mmeatloaf_]

this frog lamp at the antique store got happier when i bought it :) ?

[Tokio Berry @tokiotalks]

The self-checkout machine announces an unexpected item like you’ve tried to introduce a wild animal into the shop. It’s the bread. The bread you just scanned.

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

“Listen to your body”

My Body: You slept weird so now your left knee hurts but probably some garlic bread could make you feel better

[Sam Sykes @SamSykesSwears]

It's weird that when you put a tie on a dog, he looks like he's a silly little fellow and when you put a tie on a cat, he looks like he actually does have a job and is probably dissatisfied with it

[Mister David @mrdavidblaze]

Pumpkin Spice sounds cozy. But let's be honest: it's a fraudulent title for a flavor profile that tastes like a seasonal Bath & Body Works candle that fell into a vat of liquid cough syrup during a chemical spill. 😭

[Mister David @mrdavidblaze]

Please stop telling people you're 'all ears' unless you are currently arranged in a layout that defies human biology. I am trying to have a conversation, not a Picasso portrait.

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but please stop saying “Bear with me” if you don’t actually have a bear with you, thank you for your time