Matt Revels

I've not yet begun to defile myself..

[trash jones @jzux]

i’m actually stealing AI’s job (wasting resources and making up stupid shit)

[trash jones @jzux]

is rock bottom at least walkable

[3DrakaiNa 👻 (G.A.N.G) @3DrakaiNa]

😂

[devin 🎱 @fartpog]

hydrated obama: uhh lemme pee clear

[Eric Cross @EricCrossMLB]

This is going to make stealing the Declaration of Independence much harder for him.

[Meesh Hell @waziot]

Apparently the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful latinas

[Edward-Isaac Dovere @IsaacDovere]

A classic @TheOnion, in memory of a great:

[trash jones @jzux]

parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting, caroling out in the snow. also some scary as fuck ghost stories

[Missy Martinez @MissyXMartinez]

How your email finds me

[Dami’ Adenuga @DAMIADENUGA]

POV: you shaved a few days ago

[Pigsbliss 𓆨 @pigsbliss]

Good evening. I'm Special Agent Dana Scully, this is Agent Mulder, we're with the FBI. Can we speak with you for a moment please?

[Antifa_Ultras @ultras_antifaa]

SAVE THE BEES
PLANT MORE TREES
CLEAN THE SEAS
PUNCH NAZIS

[mary tyler less @islandinmymind]

*sees a man being sad on a warm, sunny day* “Why the long balls? ☹️”

[Kip Conlon @kipconlon]

Chick fil-A: We're not open Sunday because of the Lord.

Taco Bell: We named this sauce after Satan.

[trash jones @jzux]

babe what’s wrong you’ve hardly touched your healthy coping mechanisms

[Enguerrand VII de Coucy @ingelramdecoucy]

The luckiest person in the room was Jimmy Carter