!!!

[!!! @mrndnn]

@Rainmaker1973 romantic!

[!!! @mrndnn]

participation trophy wife

[!!! @mrndnn]

when i was 7 i decided to run away from home and my mom helped me pack

[!!! @mrndnn]

when i was a kid my aunt (works in toy design) named a toy after me and then it got recalled because it injured over a hundred children

[!!! @mrndnn]

starting a petition to ban coins (just accidentally handed the cashier a handful of sea glass instead of quarters)

[!!! @mrndnn]

here's a hot tip: if you have enough toilet paper wrapped around your finger, the deli guy will give you bandaids for free

[!!! @mrndnn]

Using every scrap my willpower to not take the entire Diary of a Wimpy Kid series from this little free library

[!!! @mrndnn]

not to be a conspiracy person or whatever but all those sleep tracking apps must be plotting something

[!!! @mrndnn]

nice to get one's "good deed of the day" out of the way early (helped some birds open a bag of fritos)

[!!! @mrndnn]

roommate and I have decided we're "fitness people" after bringing home a weighted hula hoop we found in the garbage

[!!! @mrndnn]

considering shaving my head just to prove that it's not my hair clogging the drain

[!!! @mrndnn]

was shocked by the harsh tone of voice this mom used to tell her child to "stop this nonsense" until he turned around and i saw he was wearing groucho glasses

[!!! @mrndnn]

the only items my elderly coworker brought to work today are a liter of seltzer, a tupperware of caramel corn, and a large prescription pill bottle full of loose change

[!!! @mrndnn]

might pull an all-nighter reading 527 reviews of canned corned beef hash

[!!! @mrndnn]

this episode of wife swap got around Jell-O being a brand name by having the party wife yell "GELATIN SHOTS"

[!!! @mrndnn]

@decIan Meeeeeert

[!!! @mrndnn]

who do I call about the muffled sound of the macarena coming from a closed door at this psychistrist's office

[!!! @mrndnn]

no bigger red flag than someone describing themselves as "stoked"

[!!! @mrndnn]

so far 100% success rate on new year's resolution of going to the gym (today I only went to refill 6 water bottles after watching my landlord tear down signs warning us about lead poisoning)