Mark Jordan

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

My son's favorite toy is the free blood pressure machine at Walgreens. http://t.co/fM5XwIP0

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

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[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

http://t.co/5eH5YONg Just once I want to see a marathon winner cross the finish line and immediately fire up a cigarette.

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

http://t.co/XA7LKkK9 Everyone's a feminist until they're stuck on a sinking ship.

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

http://t.co/NNO6W0Y1 The dinner I ate last night is going to give my grandchildren diabetes.

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

http://t.co/8Ut6YnyE After 5 vodka and Red Bulls, you start wearing your Lindsay Lohan costume.

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

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[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

A woman's heart is just as dumb as a guy's dick. http://t.co/ubKJpEGC

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

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[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

Editors at fashion magazines, you're doing a great job. Women continue to hate their bodies. http://t.co/5AVRu6cT

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

Dear Kirstie Alley, We're really pulling for you on your new diet. Sincerely, Chairs http://t.co/tzSxPmKS

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

My friends started noticing the change during the fourth week of putting Raspberry Ketones diet to work http://t.co/rDf29ocN

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

Raspberry Ketone are the newest painless solution to weight loss. http://t.co/IxUduxpT

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

Raspberry Ketones Works! http://t.co/AKdTpYgu

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

Around here we commonly refer to our intellectual property as 'our shit'. http://t.co/Wcme6PO2

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

http://t.co/Ne7usK8E I'm more emotionally invested in this sandwich than I am in most humans.

[Mark Jordan @mrshark]

I made $778 today! Go to
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