M. Valise 🥏

A simple carry-on suitcase, with a propensity to travel without my owner.

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

@CharlesAllnut @izavarise “Sarcasm”… are you sure you know what sarcasm is?

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

No one ever talks about this but I think what Luke did to womp rats is despicable.

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

When are they going to settle on a new name for this platform? Continuing to call it “formerly Twitter, now called ‘x’ while they figure out a new name” is getting old. #Twitter #X

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

Hey @TorontoPearson (and all airports that haven’t done this yet) how about painting a line around the baggage carousel with signs suggesting people stand back until they see their bag. Otherwise it’s a wall 3 people deep and no one can see

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

Somewhere in the air tonight, on Air Canada #ac185, a nice woman is catching shit for ordering ginger ale with ice on the side. The flight attendant assumes this is a greedy request for the whole can. #narrowmarginsindeed

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

@OTerrifying I think that’s called “my parents will be paying for my therapy well into my adult years” swimming lessons

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

@daveholtz @Airbnb Yeah, but at only $575 a night plus cleaning fee, who will complain?

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

@Lidsville @adriandix Shameful. Of all places to be unmasked. A hospital. Unreal.

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

Dear Toronto. Trams. Trams are what you have there. Those are trams. #TTC

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

Just once I want to meet someone who made their fortune in croutons. Meet Jerry — he’s a crouton baron.

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

@Ryanair The intern running the @Ryanair account seems to think its customers are peasants, deserving of derision. I’m curious if these views are shared by management and shareholders.

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

If you need to go out for a jog, I recommend wearing your PJs and a housecoat and holding a cup of coffee and newspaper in your hands. No reason: Ijust think that'd be a good look.

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

Very curious who @FoxNews will tap to be the next person to get mad about green @mmschocolate.

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

Honestly, I would quit twitter if I wasn’t rubbernecking it so hard. @elonmusk

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

Somewhere in the Municipal Borough of Pudsey, UK, there is an air fryer gathering dust in a cupboard and contemplating its indifference to the monarchy.

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

Somewhere in Toronto, in a little basement legion hall, there is a string of Christmas lights blinking out a message of hope to all the weirdos in the world.

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

Btw, @mec — you should consider making future suitcases with large in-line skate wheels like these 84mm ones. I’m told it’s one of my best features.

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

So that last trip from YVR to YYZ spelled the end of my poor wheels. Got some new ones today. Hope they last another ~16 years. @mec

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

Hanging out in the mysterious bowels of #YYZ. I feel like I never have a good time when I get checked.

[M. Valise 🥏 @MrValise]

@Sciencenature14 I didn’t expect it to be so furry.