mrxitement

Condescending, judgmental, narcissistic middle-aged suburban twat who is seeding the internet with free topical humor.

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

Eat three large meals a day, that's a lot of pooping

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

Mom will defend me
But I deserve all of it
Karma Explosion

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

Anything is possible. See, you just did it.

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

@notlouisck Which Bunker, Edith, Archie or Meathead?

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

Bored? Try faking your abduction!

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

@sammorril We still have The Wolf of Wall Street in recent times, but we can't use it as a crutch for much longer.

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

@LeenMcBeans

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

@danacarvey Don't let it get to you. You're better than that.

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

Body wash is for smelly people.

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

https://t.co/G9FgYnPzfp @tomsegura @YourMomsHouseCO

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

Dreamed Gordon Ramsay came out of nowhere and slapped a Whopper out of my hands.

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

Anime is mostly crap.

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

@TjMak33 Nope, partly rowdy

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

I'm not porn-addicted. I don't consider five minutes every day an "addiction".

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

Paid a bill online and the confirmation email subject said "We're pleased to confirm your payment with __ County."

My payment triggered their pleasure.

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

"Is it illegal to mail a black mamba to a snake-handling church?"

She winced.

"Because I heard it's a felony."

She rubbed her eyes wearily.

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

Heard the Little Mermaid is a hot Black chick now! #WolfWhistle

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

I'm a selfish prick!

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

A text from my ex wife
Spurts into my phone

The unwelcome discharge
Goes unnoticed
For some time

[mrxitement @mrxitement]

Did Jamie Foxx have a coke stroke?