Michelle

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

@KevinLOLsen St. paddy’s day doesn’t count though I hope you are following the same holiday rules as I

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

Things that will drive me to murder:

Being stuck behind slow walkers in an airport.

That’s it. That’s my list.

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

I really need to start taking my own advice. Even when I give advice to myself, I’ll just go behind my own back and do the thing I told myself not to do.

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

I can’t recall a single time in 10 years I have turned down a cup of coffee

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

This Uber isn’t talking to me at all which is nice but is blaring heavy metal - a bold move for a 6am Uber driver- which I also think is nice

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

My toxic trait is putting a playlist on shuffle and clicking through until I find the one song I actually want to listen to

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

1. I have a suitcase. You’re taking me to a hotel. I am in your Uber. No I am not from around here.

2. I obviously have no voice, I tell you I have no voice and it’s hard for me to talk. Quit asking me fucking questions

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

This too but more like I’m sorry I accidentally keep on insulting you

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

absolutely horrific at flirting part 5738272

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Out of all the Kobe stories in the last day, this one hit differently.

Elle Duncan on Kobe “being a dad. A girl dad.”

[Mattie Rogers @mattie_rogers]

Imagine making fun of someone because they have emotions

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

In my extremely short, limited, lazy and half hearted field research, dating apps are just for ppl to say “sorry haven’t been checking this” every 10 days OR to watch your IG stories until one person gets married or dies. Seems productive.

[Jared Freid @jtrain56]

If “watched” means “tapped the screen as fast as possible.”

Then, yes, I “watched” your five slide face-to-camera Instagram rant.

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

My worst nightmare

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

Me: “It’s only January 8 and 2020 has already been ridiculous”

Dude: “I know I’ve had bojangles TWICE already this year”

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

Ever just be chuggin along feelin fine doin fine then have a dream that fucks up everything that will haunt your life and thoughts for the rest of the week and now month probably 🙃 lol yeah me neither.

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

@KevinLOLsen 😂😂😂

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

I didn’t realize I had a caffeine problem until someone came up to me at the gym surprised I was drinking a water bottle and asked if it was a New Years resolution

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

“...I would fill a pillow case with assorted fresh fruits, and beat you until your apartment was citrusy fresh.”

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

Due to some unfortunate incidents I did not wish my friends and family “Happy Christmas Eve Eve” this year, and I am so upset with myself. I vow to never let this happen again.

[Michelle @mscorriveau]

@jtrain56 pls