Kelly Archer

Writer. Horror film fan. Fox appreciator. Occasional blogger. Would go out tonight but I haven't got a stitch to wear. All views my own.

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

It's Clint feckin' Boon! The expression on my face is an attempt to stop myself from singing the entire lyrics of Saturn 5 in his lughole! #boonarmy #starshapedclub #inspiralcarpets

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

I swear I only watch Channel 4 News for @krishgm's side eye 🤣

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

At the risk of sounding like an old git, can someone explain to me the (mainly) millennial/Gen Z thing of having to carry water with you at ALL times? Do y'all think you're suddenly gonna get marooned on a desert island?

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

On the hottest day of the year so far, I shall be mostly sitting in a shady room reading this. That's just how I kohl! 💀#oldgoth

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

Earlier while I was weeding, three bumblebees came over to say hello and one landed on me. Took this to mean I have positive bee energy, but could equally have been them going 'oi leave our weeds alone, you bastard!'

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

@rachel_london Yeah. A lot of 'you've followed me, that's nice I'll follow you back. Oh wait, no, no!'

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

Earlier in @Surbiton I met a friendly English bulldog called Lola. In return for a chin scratch she enthusiastically slobbered all over my trousers. I counted this as a win.

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

If I say a dog is a cat, that doesn't make it one. Similarly, saying something blatantly racist and then claiming it's not racist...well you see where I'm going here.
Hope that clears things up, you moronic, rich cockwomble. #DianneAbbott #FrankHester

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

Truth.

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

There are many tough blows and hard knocks in life, many incidents that derail your confidence, but have you ever made someone a cup of tea and they don’t drink it? You go to collect the mug to find they’ve had one sip and left the rest. The crippling self-doubt that ensues. You’ve been complimented on your tea-making abilities before and now… this. Makes you question your whole life.

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

@misschillydisco 😉

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I was once so ill in bed for a week my husband had to do everything. The house was like shit and the kids fed takeaways, but it taught him something. Now I periodically fake illness / take a holiday to my bed and little by little he's becoming a better husband and father.

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

@laurenlaverne @BBC6Music Hey @laurenlaverne where are your glasses from?

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

One of my favourite lines

[The King of Blackadder 👑🇬🇧 @pitchblacksteed]

"Lord Percy, it's up to you. Either you can shut up, or you can have your head cut off?"
#RoyaltyWeek #Blackadder

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

Finally watched Barbie and Oppenheimer. Feel completely caught up on the cultural zeitgeist, albeit of 2023. Give me another couple of years and I'll catch up on 2024.

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

@LucyLou12374 Thought he might 😍

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

@LucyLou12374 😂

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

It's rainy and grimy in London today. Here is a list of ill-advised footwear I have seen:
Box-fresh white trainers
Beige suede moccasins
Velvet ballet pumps
People of London, for all that is holy just look out of the window before leaving the house!

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

@ITVXhelp Hi, it's an Amazon firestick

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

@ITVXhelp is there a reason Coronation Street isn't showing on my itvx? It has Classic Coronation Street but not the main one?

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

Tigers, terrible for holding grudges!

[Morbid Knowledge @MorbidKnowledge]

In 1997, in Russia, a poacher shot and wounded a tiger and stole part of its recent kill. The tiger later found the cabin that the poacher was living in and then waited at least 12 entire hours for the poacher to come home. The tiger then killed and ate the man upon his return.

[Kelly Archer @MsKelstar]

This is so sad. Wonderful man. Go well Benjamin.😢