Michael Boerner

Nobody knows where they might end up.

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

I woke up this morning, conducted a standard "big stretch" in bed and gave myself an incredibly painful calf crap; and now I'm walking funny. To casually question @blink182 "I guess this is growing up?" Please advise.

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

@elonmuskTN 35

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Was told by my hairdresser this morning that my eyebrows were too bushy for my age as she ran her clippers across both of em. Meh, she wasn���t wrong. Keep it real, Gloria! #GreatClips #Gloria? #KeepItReal #KeepItSavage #RealTalk #Eyebrows

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

@FlavorFlav You’re the man!!!!

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

If the soundtrack that has played in my mind my entire life were to be a playlist it would be named "90s Skating Rink." Cotton candy, sweet and low, let me see that tootsie roll! #90s #Millennial

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Hello again.

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

@KimmyAnn88 Woo woo! I made two glasses of chocolate milk today and thought of you. Remember that one time I made you chocolate milk in my dorm room and then there was an earthquake? Glad we survived.

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Like seriously, what IF it hadn’t been for #CottonEyeJoe? #Pondering

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

@kare11 LOL, literally had to go to @Twitter to find out if @Facebook and @Instagram were down. #Thriving

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Someone thought I was 26 today and I #honesttoGod don't care that it happened at a laundromat. #Thriving #ThirtySomething #StillGotIt #StillGotSomething?

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Yes, #BlackLivesMatter—they always have. #CatchUp #BLM #MPLS

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Oh the things I would do for a #haircut right now. #Covid19 #Coronavirus

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Super special shoutout to @CityOfCRIowa for this hella candid shot of me driving home for #Christmas! Just sent you $75 for snapping it!

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

I took an #avocado and a couple of #eggs and made a thing. #BakedAvocado #HealthyLifestyle #Yum #IMadeThis

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Anyone else ever, like, not eat all day then inhale a family size box of @cheezit baked snack crackers, practically box-to-mouth, in about fifteen flat? #Nom #Binge #EatingToLive #LivingMyBestLife #QuestioningMyLifeChoices

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Love the sight of a business traveler drinking at an airport bar before 10am. #Thriving #LivingOurBestLives #CorporateTravel #BusinessManSpecial

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Today I learned that it was possible for one's lug nuts to become swollen. Thanks, @Ford! #FordEscape #SwollenNuts #SWOLE #TheMoreYouKnow #DeezNuts

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Not trying to sound apocalyptic but I’m the only one in the office who didn’t get the @FEMA emergency alert, and I’m wondering if that means when the zombies come if I’ll be killed first OR survive since I’ll be quietly minding my own business (probably a little hungover) in bed?

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Here's hoping I don't have to eat my words come #ChristmasVacation travel time, but getting @TSA Pre✓ was the best decision I made last month. #YouCanLeaveYourBeltAndShoesOn

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Yesterday I almost drove directly into a light pole in a completely empty parking lot. Never let your guard down. #TheMoreYouKnow #StillThriving