Michael Boerner

Nobody knows where they might end up.

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

I woke up this morning, conducted a standard "big stretch" in bed and gave myself an incredibly painful calf crap; and now I'm walking funny. To casually question @blink182 "I guess this is growing up?" Please advise.

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

@elonmuskTN 35

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Was told by my hairdresser this morning that my eyebrows were too bushy for my age as she ran her clippers across both of em. Meh, she wasn’t wrong. Keep it real, Gloria! #GreatClips #Gloria? #KeepItReal #KeepItSavage #RealTalk #Eyebrows

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

@FlavorFlav You’re the man!!!!

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

If the soundtrack that has played in my mind my entire life were to be a playlist it would be named "90s Skating Rink." Cotton candy, sweet and low, let me see that tootsie roll! #90s #Millennial

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Hello again.

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

@KimmyAnn88 Woo woo! I made two glasses of chocolate milk today and thought of you. Remember that one time I made you chocolate milk in my dorm room and then there was an earthquake? Glad we survived.

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Like seriously, what IF it hadn’t been for #CottonEyeJoe? #Pondering

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

@kare11 LOL, literally had to go to @Twitter to find out if @Facebook and @Instagram were down. #Thriving

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Someone thought I was 26 today and I #honesttoGod don't care that it happened at a laundromat. #Thriving #ThirtySomething #StillGotIt #StillGotSomething?

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Yes, #BlackLivesMatter—they always have. #CatchUp #BLM #MPLS

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Oh the things I would do for a #haircut right now. #Covid19 #Coronavirus

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Super special shoutout to @CityOfCRIowa for this hella candid shot of me driving home for #Christmas! Just sent you $75 for snapping it!

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

I took an #avocado and a couple of #eggs and made a thing. #BakedAvocado #HealthyLifestyle #Yum #IMadeThis

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Anyone else ever, like, not eat all day then inhale a family size box of @cheezit baked snack crackers, practically box-to-mouth, in about fifteen flat? #Nom #Binge #EatingToLive #LivingMyBestLife #QuestioningMyLifeChoices

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Love the sight of a business traveler drinking at an airport bar before 10am. #Thriving #LivingOurBestLives #CorporateTravel #BusinessManSpecial

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Today I learned that it was possible for one's lug nuts to become swollen. Thanks, @Ford! #FordEscape #SwollenNuts #SWOLE #TheMoreYouKnow #DeezNuts

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Not trying to sound apocalyptic but I’m the only one in the office who didn’t get the @FEMA emergency alert, and I’m wondering if that means when the zombies come if I’ll be killed first OR survive since I’ll be quietly minding my own business (probably a little hungover) in bed?

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Here's hoping I don't have to eat my words come #ChristmasVacation travel time, but getting @TSA Pre✓ was the best decision I made last month. #YouCanLeaveYourBeltAndShoesOn

[Michael Boerner @MTBoerner]

Yesterday I almost drove directly into a light pole in a completely empty parking lot. Never let your guard down. #TheMoreYouKnow #StillThriving