Matt Carlin

may I offer you an egg in these trying times?

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

Every tech advancement since the iPhone 4 has been some variation of telling me the weather and my schedule for the next 5 days

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

I’m trying hard and in good faith to engage with this WoW name change drama but at its core, it’s a group of people upset they can’t call themselves fart cum in the worlds’ most notoriously nerdy game and I find that really difficult to take seriously

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

If we’re talking about cheezits we’re talking for at least an hour, and the cheese part only takes 5 minutes

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

I really like Olivia Rodrigo’s new album

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

I’m liking videos I don’t even watch

[Katherine Argent @effthealgorithm]

Search is full of ads and wrong answers. Every other email is an ad. Prime Video charges you and shows ads. Paramount? Ads. Peacock? YouTube? Hulu? Ads followed by more ads. Netflix full of ads. Meta and X, every other thing is an ad. Pinterest is nothing but ads. AI is in everything. AI finishes sentences incorrectly and won’t stop. AI reads your email and search history to target you with more ads. Every time you open an app or visit a site there’s an update making it worse. In a hurry? First, click here to agree to terms you don’t have time to read and must accept. You need an account to do that. Change your temporary password. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email and enter that code. Now use a passkey. Your password is too simple to remember. Change it. No, not like that. Now log on. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email for a code… Welcome back! We’ve updated our terms of service and privacy policy (you have none). Subscribe to the site. Subscribe to Netflix. Subscribe to toilet paper. Subscribe to these groceries. Pay a membership fee for the right to subscribe then tip your driver who delivers the subscriptions your membership lets you subscribe to. Time to work? We’ve got to update your laptop and will slow down everything you do until you agree to update. But first, click here to agree. Update installed — your laptop’s broken now. It doesn’t matter, since your boss just replaced you with AI. Go to your phone to complain on social media. Wait, your phone needs an update so we can add more AI. Click here. Oh sorry, your phone can’t handle this update. Now it’s useless. Go get the newest phone. Here’s a text from a friend, an email, a voice mail they left three days ago but you didn’t see until now because of sync problems with the cloud. It’s their GoFundMe. Their MLM. Their Patreon. Never mind, you didn’t respond to their text within 9 minutes and now you’re no longer friends. They blocked you. Make new friends. Download this app to find people in your area. In your neighborhood. On your street. Two doors down from you. Do you know this person yet, we think you’d get along. You need an account to use this app. That username is taken. Enter a password. Not that one, you used it on another site. You need to be connected to WiFi to download the app. Allow the app to connect to other devices on your network. Allow the app to access your contacts, know your precise location, store your credit card details. Oops, sorry, we got hacked now all that info is available on the web. There’s a class action suit. You can join. It’ll take a decade to get your $3.73 share of the ten billion settlement. We’ll send it via PayPal or deposit it to your bank, just tell us those details. Oh no, another hack. That info is circulating now, too. Here’s a spam call, a spam email, a spam text. Why are you angry? Why are you talking about getting rid of your phone? Why don’t you like AI, it lets us make all of this easier? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? This is progress. You’ll be left behind. Do you want to be left behind? Do you???

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

Closing the door to my screened in porch with 5-10 hornets and flys inside & holding my bug-a-salt gun:

Domain expansion: hell in a cell

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

re: Beat Bobby Flay

What is his fucking problem

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

Traveling between 285 km/h (177 mph) and 320 km/h (200 mph) on the bullet train explaining EV training on Mt Moon to the poor soul sitting next to me (my wife)

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

Eating pizza at Universal Studios Japan while listening to a jazz ragtime cover of Radioactive by Imagine Dragons. Peak.

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

My squatty potty got sentenced to death today

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

getting my monopoly go cards graded by PSA

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

My favorite part of cheezits isn’t even the cheese

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

Reminder that the people who remained aligned to the British Monarchy during our first revolution were called “Loyalists”

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

“I asked grok/I asked ChatGPT/i asked Gemini-“

oh ya well i had a pc problem & searched a message board from 2002 and read 20+ year old beef between 2 strangers for two hours AND fixed my problem

cathedrals everywhere

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

Unfortunately, Pokemon cards have become an important pillar of my psychological health

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

getting my 2FA push: haha yes, da code

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

I’m making deals on shit I don’t even own

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

Most of my technical career skills can prob be traced back to my desire to play kingdom hearts 1 on an emulator on my family’s 2005 dell laptop

[Matt Carlin @mtcarlin95]

I’d be so mad if one of my friends killed themselves. Not sad, mad. Like you took MY friend away from ME?? I stg if I ever see ur spectral form I will NOT be giving you a knowing nod, I will pretend it was a gust of wind