Malori

physically i'm at home but mentally i'm in margaritaville

[Malori @muhloree]

I'm sorry but rottweilers will never scare me I watched a 135lb rottie be startled by his own farts daily for 10 years I just can't do it

[Malori @muhloree]

i think they should bring club penguin back on account that i'm an adult now and could (and would) spend my real adult money on penguin customization

[Malori @muhloree]

no special skills besides scaring my family by "sneaking" up on them when I'm not even being quiet

[Malori @muhloree]

you can't call someone a windbag if you host a political talkshow

[frog @frogsforu]

maybe if they were all frogs they would've survived squid game idk

[Malori @muhloree]

oh to be eight years old and watch "The Ghost of Suite 613" episode of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody for the first time again

[Malori @muhloree]

made my parents watch the 2002 Count of Monte Cristo movie with me. dad says "thanks for reading the book because I enjoyed the movie"

[Malori @muhloree]

I thought vampire bats were going to be more of an issue in life

[Malori @muhloree]

nine months into the year and I just had a very long moment in which I struggled to remember if it was 2020 or 2021

[frog @frogsforu]

he's been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty

[Malori @muhloree]

"this house has hgtv-like picturesque decor!" ma'am the color scheme is off white and neutral gray-beige. it's got no personality. it's like a hotel room but worse because it's a house. this is oatmeal.

[Malori @muhloree]

pet peeves include toilet paper holders placed at uncomfortable angles relative to the toilet

[Malori @muhloree]

this is the first good thing to happen since 2016

[Big Time Rush @bigtimerush]

WE ARE BACK! It’s been a minute, but we couldn’t be more excited to see you! Lets make up for lost time.
Dec 15 – Chicago Theater, Chicago, IL
Dec 18 – Hammerstein Ballroom, New York, NY

Don’t forgot to sign up for first access to pre-sale tickets!
LINK IN BIO

[frog @frogsforu]

RIBBIT🤨

[Malori @muhloree]

so far being in my 20s is just [intense existential dread for 40 minutes] followed by [i'm eating yogurt and my life has never been better]

[Malori @muhloree]

the United States needs to work on nationwide public transportation because some people do not deserve driver's licenses and they just give those things to anyone

[frog @frogsforu]

“frogs.” said every frog lover ever

[Malori @muhloree]

the ups driver could see me in the living room and was like "your package is on the porch!" and i'm like "thank u sir i can see that please never do this again i don't like this energy it's very weird please drop it in silence"

[Malori @muhloree]

@selujjj I'm going to light a candle and hold a vigil every night

[frog @frogsforu]

RIBBITS REALLY LOUDLY