Ratchet Philosopher

Catch me on YouTube
eCurrency enthusiast. I like to write.

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

In February, I’ll do a free tamarind seedlings giveaway in the Copperbelt.

Which town/city should I do it in?

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

@Nakalikome thoughroughly entertaining

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

Our HR department just migrated all our mandatory compliance training to a new gamified learning management system.

I received an automated email stating I had 48 hours to complete a module on data privacy or my badge would be deactivated.

I logged into the portal and was greeted by a cartoon badger named Barnaby.

Barnaby told me I was about to embark on a security quest.

I'm 44 years old.

I don't want to go on a quest.

The first module was a video about phishing scams produced like a high-budget daytime soap opera.

The actors were inappropriately attractive for a simulated accounts payable department.

The main character, Chad, left his laptop open at a coffee shop while he ordered a matcha latte.

A guy in a black hoodie immediately sat down and downloaded the entire corporate mainframe to a USB drive in four seconds.

Then the video paused and asked me to identify Chad's critical mistake.

The multiple choice options were leaving the device unsecured, using public Wi-Fi, or failing to foster a culture of vigilance.

I clicked the first one.

Barnaby the badger popped up and told me I was technically correct, but I lacked a holistic security mindset.

He deducted 10 "synergy tokens" from my digital wallet.

I didn't even know I had a digital wallet.

The next scenario involved a complex ethical dilemma about accepting gifts from vendors.

A supplier offered the protagonist a branded corporate fleece.

The video framed this as the first step toward international corporate espionage.

I was asked if accepting the fleece was a violation of the anti-bribery statutes.

I clicked yes.

Barnaby congratulated me and awarded me a bronze digital badge of integrity.

I tried to fast-forward through the next video because it was 45 minutes long.

The player immediately froze and a warning message appeared saying Barnaby notices you are rushing.

The video restarted from the very beginning.

I sat there for 45 minutes watching a dramatization of password hygiene while staring blankly at my monitor.

At the end of the quest, I had to take a 50-question final exam.

One question asked how long a visitor badge is valid under the new global security matrix.

I guessed 24 hours.

Barnaby appeared with a sad face and told me it was 12 hours.

I failed the module with an 84 percent.

The passing grade was 85 percent.

Barnaby informed me that my quest must start over.

I considered throwing my company-issued laptop out the window.

Instead, I sent an email to HR asking for an extension.

I got an automated reply saying the HR representative was out of the office on a corporate wellness retreat.

I clicked replay on the video.

Chad is about to leave his laptop at the coffee shop again.

This time I hope the hacker deletes my employee profile entirely.

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

He probably didn’t remember Jack the following morning, nor did he reach out to us about taking us out the hood with him & such.

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

Years back, we met a tenderpreneur at pub who’d sealed big deal & was waxing lyrical about taking us with him on his meteoric rise. Mind you, we’d just met the bro.
He was spinning bottles, name dropping & more.

My cousin Kwaloz said, “I’ve heard bigger things from smaller men!”

[Duncan Money @mininghistory]

Research fees at the National Archives of Zambia. This information is not available online or obtainable in advance of visiting so I wanted to publicise it.

[erika @yeeeerika]

the human spirit was not designed for this many passwords

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

@Sumilikipenda @JoanThatiah I hope to leave here with minimum two

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

Didn’t have money for the books at this Nairobi bookstore, so I settled for some fountain pens.

Soon as I get my money right, I’ll return to grab these books.

My Zambian sensibilities quite scandalized by the titles, so I gotta find the money to buy them books

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

This magic elixir is so refreshing.

We need to go back to the old days of musale being enjoyed freely and everywhere

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

@The_troooper @JWSakalajr Imagine queuing up with generals or senior officers? Never gonna happen, cos they'll always jump the queue

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

@Ex_NihiloRob Watermelon seeds 😂😂😂😂😂. There were more in or is it on the plate

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

This banana with the spots is the better banana.
Used to be found everywhere with vendors, now it’s practically extinct and you find the type sold in Shoprite and pick n pay that are simple not good.

One consequence of getting rid of street vendors is certain supply chains died

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

@Ex_NihiloRob It does. I actually got it cos my USB port got busted and I needed a wireless power bank.

Fast Mobile and I’ve forgotten the price

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

Or alternatively as analysed by DMX on why good girls like bad guys

Good Girls, Bad Guys

https://t.co/tboZ7gFyhs

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

And probably one of the most ratchet songs ever, but explains why sometimes good gals love bad boys

Spice & Pinchers - Rudeboy Love

https://t.co/GjmfQLT4fG

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

Tanya Stephens - These Streets
And off course the advise for anyone in love with a tamanga or hustler, this song probably said in so many ways in the real world

https://t.co/nsKoYipVeG

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

One weird thing about getting older is realising the sense in love songs you'd hear when younger.

Lemme share three of my favourite love songs, or songs about love

[Ratchet Philosopher @mulos]

Aaron Neville - Everybody Plays The Fool.
Ba Aaron tried to warn us back in the day, and we did not listen. But he was 100% right

https://t.co/NjiOdNoxV7

[Unknown African Breed 🇹🇿🇿🇲🇲🇼 @name_is_mwizaso]

Ati Zambians we have lost our culture

1. A Bemba who is an introvert?
2. A Tonga who is lactose intolerant
3. Mu Lozi blesser?
4. An Easterner who doesn't eat mbewa because of allergies
5. A Nsenga who doesn't believe in witchcraft, ati we don't do that here

Let's have order