It's Brittany Bitch

I enjoy wine, day drinking, and not wearing pants.

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

@Dr_nkBear I know I'm way late on this, but it has already happened friend.

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

@Dr_nkBear

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

@RebeccaLynn99 @szywz Drain the tub, then pick it up. I was worried I was going to have to buy a fish net or something 🤣

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

You never realize how much of a badass your mom is until she teaches you how to get your own kid's turds out of the bath tub. My mom is the badassest. #mymomiscoolerthanyourmom
@szywz

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

As I picked bub up out of his high chair he asked for a snack. Welcome to #toddlerlife

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

My toddler started headbanging to my workout music, and I've never been more proud.

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

Where do shoes belong? According to my toddler they belong in the toilet... #momlife

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

Today bub blew me a kiss as I was leaving daycare. Then, ran to me for another hug and kiss before I left. I have no idea what I'm doing with this parenting stuff, but moments like this tell me I've done something right! ❤

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

My 1yo threw his "toddler proof" suction plate last night. I'm not sure if I should be proud of his problem solving skills or frustrated.

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

@Dr_nkBear I.

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

I just spent $50 on supplies to update and reorganize my spice drawer, and I couldn't be more excited. I am officially boring.

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

How do I know my husband is perfect for me? He just created a delorean out of cardboard and duct tape. And the flux capacitors are to scale.

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

Do metro areas without daily stabbings or shootings even exist anymore? I'm genuinely curious. By area I mean within a 30 mile radius.

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

The quality of my snacks are entirely dependent on whether or not my toddler is awake...
Awake: fruit, veggies straws, cheese
Asleep: ice cream, cupcakes, popsicles

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

Today my one year old figured out what light switches do. In other news we will be moving the crib this weekend...

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

Today's reason my kid cried: I wouldn't let him eat a bug. Apparently I am a monster...

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

Sitting at the bar having a beer by myself while I wait for our carryout to be ready. I can't decide if its refreshing or just weird.

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

I'm on my second cup of coffee and my main thought is it would be so much better with some bailey's in it. I could be so much more productive if my office didn't have a zero tolerance policy...

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

Last week at my current job. Motivation is at about 0.5%, but at least I'm at my desk. They're basically paying me NOT to distract everyone else right now.

[It's Brittany Bitch @murphy_brit]

Being called a guru by your mentor might be one of best feelings of my professional career so far #lifegoals