DarthMutter

“Have kids” they said. “It will be fun” they said. “They” is an asshole.

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

@Pestily Congrats!!!

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

@KiDCuDi 42. Well just leave that between us. Lol. REVOFEV is on multiple playlists.

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

@49ers what the fuck happened? How do you look so bad with all that $$ on the field? 5-11 here we come.

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

Happy Mother’s Day to my fellow moms that started the day off right…..cleaning puke off the kid and the bathroom floor.

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

Things my kids are fighting about today : cereal. More specifically, a cereal we DON’T EVEN BUY!

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

The American Heart Association is working hard to make hearts healthy - and so is Declan. Donate today to help!
https://t.co/22hR6cU2Az

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

I took the challenge to Be Kind! https://t.co/z5sqW0e8Gi

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

Listening to Nirvana Smells Like Teen Spirit…

8: I do NOT know what he is saying. Something about potatoes??

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

@notcloakzy1 Dallas is embarrassing. Go 9ers!!!!!

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

Refs v. 9ers today. Ugh.

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

My kid has 3 grandmas - Nonna, Nana & Grammy - all very much alive. Today he told his class they were all dead b/c none of them has ever made him cookies.

Now taking new grandma applications I guess? Must bake cookies.

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

Me: did you flush the toilet?
9: Yep!
*hears toilet flush*
Me: did you wash your hands?
9: Yep!
*hears water run in sink*

I probably should have asked if he used soap.

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

7: Pumpkin! What do you want? I CAN’T SPEAK CAT!!

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

Thanks Mom! You’re a real light saber!

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

My children have started saying “Hold up, wait a minute” and as someone who was briefly a cheerleader, I feel compelled to respond with “let me put some boom in it”. Every. Single. Time.

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

Ran out of lullabies. Sang @KidCudi Pursuit of Happiness instead. I’m not sure what this says about me as a parent, but my kids said I’m a rockstar 🤷🏼‍♀️

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

San Francisco 49ers - “rebuilding” since 1995. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

@timthetatman Duck you Tim.

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

@timthetatman Just stop Tim!! Just stop!!!!

[DarthMutter @mutter_darth]

@timthetatman Please just stop picking the 49ers. For the love of all that is good in the world, let’s us have some joy for 1 more week.