M. Walker

Chicago. Audiophile. News addict. Beer snob. SaaS. Sales. Healthcare. Analytics. Start-ups. Wannabe traveler. Snacks. Coffee. FancyBoy#2. Tarah, Pheebs, G&N$.

[Xeer @Xeer]

if you're a dude & you're having a bad day, just remember nobody cares.

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[rwlk @sherlock_hodles]

name a better rebrand than gambling becoming prediction markets

[W⭕lfman's Sister @ribb0nreflect0r]

I'm kind of mind blown this many people like Oasis

[M. Walker @mwalker211]

@JunkWaxHeroes One of my faves. Good luck!

[M. Walker @mwalker211]

@JSpiegel2 On some weeks, closer to 20.

[M. Walker @mwalker211]

@CardiffElect

[M. Walker @mwalker211]

@JAYChi_Hawks Good Luck

[Just Another Year Chicago: Blackhawks @JAYChi_Hawks]

🚨Frank Nazar Jersey Giveaway!🚨

In honor of the Blackhawks calling up Frank Nazar, we're giving away his jersey!

To enter:
-Like & RT This Tweet
-Follow @JAYCHI_Hawks
-Comment "Good Luck"

Winner will be announced Monday night!
*Make sure it's us if you're selected*

[Dylan O'Sullivan @DylanoA4]

It’s the greatest gig in the world, being alive. You get to eat at Denny’s, wear a hat, whatever you wanna do.

— Norm Macdonald, 2017

[Outlander Magazine @StreetFashion01]

Aimé Leon Dore x Porsche (2024)

[jumanji ito @naxuu]

rip Pitchfork Fest. looked it up & I paid $22 for a two-day pass to Intonation in 2005 (curated by Pitchfork) with these artists. and the next year I paid $30 for the first official Pitchfork branded one (gasp at the price increase). we really didn't know how good we had it, huh

[addie ྀི | og lukas reichel stan @reichelhughes]

whoever’s idea this was, cooked

[Chris Bakke @ChrisJBakke]

We ran 80,000 simulations tonight.

Chamath’s SPACs lost 99.4%+ of investor’s money in every single one of them

[Expanding Dan: the Steely Dan newsletter @ExpandingDan]

RIP Phil Lesh, a legend for so much including his hilariously honest testimony during a Jerry Garcia estate hearing in 1996.

[Die-Hard Chicago Bulls Fans @Bullsfans]

The funniest #Bulls Michael Jordan parody videos ever made 😂

[𝙱𝚘𝚋𝚋𝚢’𝚜 𝙷𝚎𝚎𝚕 @SalvadorDafti]

Fresh from Muscle Shoals, into the hotel room, and on goes an early pressing of Brown Sugar. Keith lights a cig, Mick does the funky chicken; and both know full well they have gold on their hands.

1969.