you can call me Al

🦄 Library Unicorn! They/them. Likes words, watery depths, and kid logic.

[Daniel M. Lavery @daniel_m_lavery]

all salt is the salt of the earth. meaningless distinction

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

@ABamonte Assfucking christ on a cracker 😣

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

Heyyy that's me on @abc7ny doing my favorite thing in my favorite place with a few of my favorite people!!! 😻🌈📚🦄 @mayorbaraka's 10-pt literacy plan kicks ass, and I'd pick @newarklibrary over anywhere in the world to be doing this work. 💖
https://t.co/sWthMMyosy

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

@ABamonte Doubt I'd be thinking in "appropriate" terms at that point tbh

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

@ABamonte Pretty soon I'm gonna be saying "Daddy's old" about myself instead of [redacted]

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

@ABamonte Lol I misunderstood the hell outta this until I read the comments 😅 gotta get out more!

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

Sometimes in important meetings people would try to cramp your style and you'd just go "do I really need to point out the Elephant Seal in the room"

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

What if instead of a seal of approval you needed an Elephant Seal of Approval

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

You could take the Elephant Seal of Approval everywhere with you and any time someone tried to stop you from doing something, you could just be like "pardon me, but I have an Elephant Seal of Approval for this action"

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

Screw mediocre white men, grant me the confidence of the library kiddos who greet me by rushing up for a hug and hollering, "I'M BACK!!!!"

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

What you need to do and when you need to do it are not always the same thing and a lot of the time, that's really okay.

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

@tricerawrites Please stay. I love you.

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

Kiddo, age 4: There's lava down there. And a hoc!
Me: A hoc?
Caregiver: You mean like the bird? Hawk?
Kiddo: NO! Not a hoc, a HOC!!! *rolls eyes, retreats to toy grocery store* I'm just gonna cook more food.

Readers. He meant a "SHARK."

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

@musicalbacon2, mocking guys who do that weird thing with grilling and masculinity: "Grill Master! Kiss the Cook! My Other Apron Is My Car!"

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

@ABamonte

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

@ABamonte @UweBollocks Pocket eggs (that's from @musicalbacon2 's family)!

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

WELL I WOULD WALK 500 MILES
AND I WOULD WALK 500 MORE
JUST TO BE THE MAN WHO TURNS AROUND
WHEN HE WALKS RIGHT THROUGH THE WRONG DAMN DOOR

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

3yo kiddo playing Store w her mom gets distracted by another toy.
Mom: "Can you help me? I'm at the store but the person behind the counter left!"
Me: "[Kiddo], say, 'According to union rules I am entitled to a one-hour lunch break.'"

Kiddo's going home w a library union pin.

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

Me, in Firm Librarian Voice because I have already said this 5 thousand times: "Folks. You need. To keep. Your voices. Down."
Kiddo, gleefully and at top volume: "BUT WE'RE PLAYING ROBLOX!!!"

[you can call me Al @mx_alycorn]

@riawritten @zooshka This was my reaction, too. 💜 Rock on, @zooshka!