Dan

Happily taken by a fantastic partner who somehow manages to tolerate my weirdness. Dad to 4 kids, hopefully a good one. Here to try and spread humour and love

[Dan @MyBrainzhurt]

I came up with, what I hope is an idea that catches on.

A Cake selfie thread.

Hopefully we can designate a day to be cake day where we all do cake selfies.

Anyway here's my chocolate orange sponge cake selfie.

Please add your own, if you want, or just eat cake.

Enjoy.

[Dan @MyBrainzhurt]

@YourMomsucksTho @youlooklikeamom Its not 44 either. I've just accepted the fact this might be me for life.

[Dan @MyBrainzhurt]

@littlevix

[name cannot be blank @toomanycommas3]

If you don't love me at my "scraping leftovers from my kid's dinner plate into my mouth so fast standing at the dishwasher that I drop peas into my cleavage" then you can't have me at my...wait, no, that's really as good as it gets, sorry.

[🌈🌈ASLAYQUEEN🌈🌈 @19NeSsAjUli82]

I fucking hate when people say „Oh you support Gays?“ in a rude tone. NO BITCH, I SUPPORT EQUALITY!!!❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[Dan @MyBrainzhurt]

@SeaGlassSiren I lost my virginity to the end of the world.

Wow more dramatic than I expected.

[The Goochie Dolls™ @TheGoochieDolls]

From table tops to cupboards, beds & chairs @TheGoochieDolls regret nothing!

@JocyTysmom @lesdotcom @Sprinkles1969 @SheilaBx2 @fanmum69 @phoenix699969 @DdrunKkMe24 @Sensual1425 @SeductiveSassy @LilCuteforu @SarcasmSweets @smerkaliscious @OSUmommaDOC @RiderofWolves and sexy anon

[feminist next door @emrazz]

I’m so tired of being newly horrified at the actions of my government every single day. I’m so tired of being terrified of what they’ll do tomorrow. I’m so tired of the line being pushed so fast and so freely that what was insanity six months ago is reality today. I’m exhausted.

[Fossilized Tree Resin @Jamberee13]

Her: oh black lipstick! Edgy!

Me: *hiding the absolutely tremendous amount of Oreos I’m in the process of eating* yes I am fashionable and also cool

[Aunt Cunt @AuntCunt]

Same

[CrazyAF⚜️ButCute @CrazyAF_ButCute]

Sir, is that a fucking submarine in your pants or are you happy to see me?

[Nicki💗 @AwkwardAndOdd]

People who say there’s no food poverty in the UK have clearly never stood in a food bank and watched a grown man crumble because you offered him a cup of tea, or seen mothers who have gone without eating so that their children can. They aren’t lazy they are desperate.

[Sassparilla @Megatronic13]

Most pregnant women: beautiful, glowing, perfect basketball tummy

Me: looks like I ate a few too many burritos

[☽⍜☾ HEKATE ☽⍜☾ @deadlynitshade]

Fuck work, I'll just be a cam girl..

There's a market for slightly chubby, awkward 30 year old mom's to just sit there drinking tea and being sarcastic right?

[🌜🪤 free range titties 🌛🕯🕯🕯 @VampyreMommy7]

Hey guy make sure when a woman comments about her experience that you tell her that it didn't happen because as a total stranger you clearly know more about her than she does

That's always a cool way to make friends

[Dan @MyBrainzhurt]

@Cptnrwrpnts This is the best rug I've ever seen, but, like, that's just my opinion man.

[Mother Shipton And The Boggle Holes @SallysRaveCave]

Kinds of stupid I have seen on the internet today-
•A brexiteer comparing the EU to Jimmy Saville.
•Some crazy conspiracy theory that theres a hidden morning after pill inside pregnancy tests.

Fuck all the world - except you lot.