MySQL Borat

My name Borat. I like MySQL. Is very nice.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

I wish I knew how to \q you.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

DBA team very busy handling explosion of data. It took out 5 racks and put 3 meter hole in ceiling.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

Today's guest tweet is http://t.co/v7sVJFmLe1 ... Oh wait, he's serious? Never mind.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Character set mismatch.
�^N^W^@<BB>�=� ⌘?

[cheshire cat smile rear window decal @johnbiehl]

Alien: why should I not blow up this planet?

Human: we are an advanced species

A: how do you travel?

H: we light old dinosaurs on fire

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

Eventually consistent was too hard, so we went with immediately inaccurate.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

A MySQL slave walks into a bar. 29546 seconds later it orders a drink.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

If DBA was news anchor: "Has your database crashed? Tune in tonight to find out."

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

#MySQL is not opinionated database. But all your opinion about it are still wrong.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

I hope Buddhist is right so I can be reborn for use all the great "next generation" products.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

New in MySQL 5.7 SHOW STATUS: Downtime.

[Honest Update @honest_update]

Currently considering leaving this wreckage and just starting a new company and poaching our own customers.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

When InnoDB buffer pool is cold #MySQL performance is experience shrinkage.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

MyISAM is recumbent bicycle of MySQL. Is no way to use it without looking silly.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

Yes "MySQL slave" is politically incorrect. We prefer to be called "database administrator".

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

To tell boss what is happen with #MySQL an adjective is suffice: suddenly, mysteriously=it broke; difficult, time-consuming=we fix it.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

Is spreadsheet just table that did not try hard enough?

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

I use query cash for make developers think about performance. Bad index: $100. No index: $500. Full join: 1 paycheck.

[Dean Burnett (@drdeanburnett everywhere) @drdeanburnett]

Last night my mate asked to use a USB port to charge his cigarette, but I was using it to charge my book.

The future is stupid.

[MySQL Borat @mysqlborat]

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary, I accidentally drop the production db. Quoth sysadmin "No backup to restore."