Lanae Faber

Fiercely devoted to family, friends, 1st graders, and pizza.

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

Serious question: Do other people get dressed on days they don't plan to leave the house? And do they get their children dressed? Because I absolutely do not.

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

@MalloryCarda They came to the conclusion that you probably still could, but you would have to get a bigger ring to fit on your middle finger.

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

Just overheard some of my first graders discussing whether or not you can get married if your ring finger gets chopped off.

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

Just eavesdropped on one of the funnier conversations I’ve heard, which consisted of my 2yo arguing with my hubs that she only farted and didn’t need her diaper changed. She gave it a solid effort but the smell and the lump in her pants ultimately led to defeat. #toddlers

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

Most of my 1st graders call hand sanitizer "hannitizer" and I can't bring myself to correct them. #badteacher #butitssocute

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

Went to bed last night a tiny bit irritated with my husband, and then in the dream I had he was a TOTAL JERK. So now he's really in the doghouse.

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

What's the most "mom" thing about you? Mine is that my bike wears a fanny pack.

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

Just strained my neck trying to imitate an owl. #oldpeopleproblems

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

@heather_sue_ Oh my gosh, I just noticed this tweet. 😂😂😂

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

"I need more cheese in my life." -- the smartest 2nd grade student I've ever had #speakingtruth

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

Within the last hour I have called my 7mo old my "sweet baby girl" and also a "little shit". I think this is what motherhood is all about.

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

"Oh wait! We didn't get a picture with your locker. You thought you were doing to get away without that one, didn't you." --a mom just now #FirstDayOfSchool

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

Holding my naked, diaper-less baby reminds me of holding my iPhone without a case. It's so sleek and smooth and cute, but holy balls this is an accident waiting to happen.

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

Fun fact about my housekeeping: I rarely run out of that spray stuff you use for dusting. #BecauseDustingSUCKS

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

Ya know how everyone loves peeling the plastic off of their new phones? Well the other day we got new APPLIANCES and I got to peel the plastic off of ALL of them and that was probably the highlight of my month. #satisfyingAF

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

Being an adult is full of surprises that I never expected as a child. For example, today I tweaked my knee while putting on pants.

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

I'm starting to worry that my daughter is going to have very low expectations for herself someday if I keep cheering for her about everything the same way that I cheer for her when she burps.

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

I call my husband.
"Are you giving birth?"
"No."
"Okay, then I need to call you back."

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

My niece just told me pepperoni is her favorite vegetable. I told her she is the smartest person I have ever met.

[Lanae Faber @naea09]

I am 8 weeks away from having a baby and my husband just nicknamed me "Chubs". Such romance.