Nancy 'Fons

Patron saint of thieves, drunkards, bastards, and sailors.

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

The best way to say "I love you" to a millenial is "I thought you might be hungry so I brought you food."
Take someone some food out of the blue some time this week, show you care.

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

@CerianJenkins @penfolduk01 It was awesome! ❤

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

Who gives a shite that God doesn't love you when, at 6:30am, you can stagger into a bakery with a couple sheets hung to the wind and get a Spinach and feta pie still warm from the oven!

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

Friendly reminder that if you send your kids to school on Monday that you are a scab.

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

@StreetlightSyks

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

So, if beer is basically liquid bread, can someone invent liquid garlic bread please?
You could drink it in public and get drunk... but its garlic bread!
As a service to humanity I will not patent this genius idea!

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

@ThatMumboJumbo What an idiot; everyone knows that @ThatMumboJumbo is for before sex, and @xisumavoid is for after!

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

"2 gold for a prostitute for the night? Fuck that!
I go to my room and cast mage hand!"
I'm not sure if I'm playing DnD very right, or very wrong...
#DnD #RPG

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

Imagine every person praying for family, for friends, fame, fortune; fuck it: any selfish shite; it's all spam!
Spam, Spam, Spam, Eggs, and Spam!
We could launch a DDOS attack on God himself!

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

If I truly believed that there was a god who had any form of control over all this shite, then I would be on my knees in prayer.
I'd get everyone I could praying, too; I'd do my utmost to unite the entire world in prayer.
Image the power of those prayers...

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

So self medicate with stimulant drugs, fake a smile, kiss that arse, and pretend you like living in a dystopian capitalist nightmare, otherwise you might starve to death. 👍

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

You don't hate mornings, you hate having to force yourself out of bed at a time at odds with your circadian rhythms to sell your body and lifeforce for a third of your day, for less than you are worth, to someone who doesn't give a shit about you.

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

Standard conversation with me.
#hangry

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

I'm not opposed to a bit of head-chopping, but I'd much rather an easy transition to a decent government and see lying politicians and billionaire tax-dodgers before a court, stripped of their ill-gotten assets, and thrown into a prison cell.
#VoteLabour
#VoteLabourDecember12

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

"I need something in a martini glass."
"Specifically a martini glass? Why?"
"Ain't nothing ever in a martini glass ever told me it just wanted to be friends..."

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

@celtichobbit Currently day drinking in a bar in Zakynthos town.

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

Me, finishing work at 6am and noticing a friend is still online...

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

"I need to piss, nigh as much as I need to re evaluate my life choices"

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

How to leave a tip, Nancy 'Fons style: on an origami butterfly, flapping in the breeze.
#Tip #Origami #Butterfly

[Nancy 'Fons @nancy_fons]

"Sorry mate, but I'm pretty sure this orange juce has no vodka in it... could you maybe..?"
"Sir, this is McDonald's... and I'm going to have to ask you to put some trousers on..."