I was very honoured to have been asked to voice this advert.
It’s my birthday today. The perfect gift for me would be to retweet it so this brilliant app gets out far and wide. 🎁
BREAKING: I must bring you the sad news that Priti Patel has spontaneously combusted after hearing leftie activist lawyers have grounded the first Rwanda flight 😭
We haven't bothered working out all the details of our Rwanda plan because we know it won't actually happen. The point is just to get the frothing racist demographic on side then blame the wokey do-gooders when it proves to be impossible.
BREAKING: The Metropolitan Police have explained that senior staff didn't get fined for attending the same parties as junior staff because the senior staff refused to fill in the questionnaire. I'm not even making this up, it's really what they said! x
Sue Gray says she did not ask to meet with me and I say I did not ask her. So people will just have to make up their own minds about which one of me is lying.
Had a lovely time in Whitley Bay. The accent takes some getting used to, but I eventually worked out that their way of saying 'welcome great leader' is "Haddaway and shite yi manky twat"
A mysterious one-day directorship, a £491k loan, a Cayman Island firm specifically designed to keep banking bonuses offshore and a flat refusal to answer the Eye’s question about any of it: the new Eye attempts to untangle the issues around Sajid Javid’s dubious non-dom status.