Last night I was at a bar and there was a very drunk old guy who passed me, tapped my shoulder, and said, “you’re ugly.” He came back a few minutes later and said, “sorry I did that man, you’re just really ugly and I had to say something.”
My girlfriend got on to me the other day because she doesn’t understand why I can’t just pick eggs out of the carton like a “normal” person. She’s standing there watching me and says, “Why can’t you just go row by row like everyone else?”
I said, “Because no egg should ever know when its time is coming.”
She stared at me for a second, shook her head, and said, “You’re a psycho,” then walked off.
Little does she know…I’ve got a whole tournament system going on. I take two eggs, tap them together, and whichever one doesn’t crack moves on to the next round.
Only the strongest survive. 🥚 💪 😂
something very chic about crying while driving….have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash….other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over….