Nick Cafero

The stakes couldn’t be lower.

[Deadline @DEADLINE]

Nick Cafero Joins 'Martin' Spinoff 'The Varnell Hill Show' As Series Regular https://t.co/b1NygHFELJ

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

Aaron Rodgers coming off back to back MVPs "took a step back" last year. Those stats single season stats would've ranked in Jets QB history as 5th all time yards (3695), T-3rd TDs (26), and 6th completion % (64.6). #Jets fans, its LEGAL TO BE EXCITED!!!

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

@SteveGelbs Any way you can do an in-game segment on pitch comm- how it works/what is sounds like for the battery? Is it a human voice calling pitches? Different languages? I know nothing. Apologies if you already covered this. You’re the best. @garykeithron @SNYtv @Mets

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

Watching the #StateOfTheUnionAddress has just become me saying “that’ll be a meme” every 3.5 minutes.

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

Wish it didn’t have to be your bday for a friend to post a insta-story montage about you. Could use one of those right now tbh.

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

Is there a civilized way to eat a rotisserie chicken?

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one who doesn’t use “slaps” as an adjective.

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

@craigjorczak Imagine my surprise when both happened at the same time.

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

Nothing makes me quite as sad as a dating app telling me I’ve run out of swipes for the day.

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

Did she leave me for my personality or my vertical blinds?

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

Sorry, I’ve been traveling and missed a few things. Did someone shit on a bed?

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

Television shows about startups are the new lavender.

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

Tonight’s @FallonTonight should start with Jimmy opening the envelope and announcing the Academy Award for Best Documentary Feature. Then give the stage to @questlove and allow him to make the acceptance speech and get the recognition and admiration he deserves. #SummerOfSoul

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

I’ve developed a bad habit of saying “good luck” when saying goodbye. And based on recent reactions I’m realizing I’m inadvertently causing the recipient to question their safety.

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

“Ready when you are,” he whispered quietly to the entire film and television industry.

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

I’m in love with how much money I’m saving today.

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

“Dreams advance so quickly on the wings of imagination.”

-A. Dumas

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

Today I lit the tip of my hair on fire with a Bic lighter to make my 3yo nephew laugh over FaceTime.

What’re you doing to move comedy forward?

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

I take it back. My toast burnt as I was typing that.

[Nick Cafero @NCafero]

Toasters are fantastic