Nicole Droesch

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

If my daughter proves she can take care of the Fire Ants I got her, we’ll get her the damn kitten.

[Charlie🍸 @charliemills__]

I was riding my bike through my neighborhood with a solo cup in my hand when a cop pulled up questioning me. We went back and forth for a minute and he insisted I show him. I laughed and showed him my cup, filled to the brim with pizza bites. He shook his head and drove away.

[Michael Krommendyk @MikeKrommendyk]

Y'all my cousin sent me this video and I'm crying 😂😭

[Chipotle @ChipotleTweets]

Burrito: a bundle of joy you don’t have to support financially for 18 years.

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

today. i wasn’t a very good dog

april fools. i was so good

[Chiken Joe (Deluxe Edition) @_whitejoe_]

UPDATE: SHE IS STARTING TO GET HER SEA LEGS

[KB @kbnoswag]

My step dad told me it was pointless to apply to med school bc I was “too stupid to be a doctor”

8 years later and one of us is an unemployed loser with a drinking problem and the other is making six figures and going to Hawaii this weekend to renew his wedding vows with my mom

[USA Gymnastics @USAGym]

USA Gymnastics statement regarding Nassar sentence: https://t.co/2ZtS154ruB

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

Nothing better than the simple joys of finding 5 bucks in an old pair of pants, or discovering my wife and I had a second daughter over a year ago.

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

Every Thanksgiving we’d gather round the table and watch Dad carve the turkey with a hammer. It was his way of reminding us it’s Thursday.

[Josh Goodman @JustJOSH_ingYa]

Burger King just released one of the best anti-bullying PSAs I've ever seen