Passed a man whose shirt read "I found love in Niles, Illinois." My heart lept. Romance had triumphed yet again. I turn, and see plastered across the back "And it was only 200 bucks!" Ah. Nothing but a cruel mockery. This bitter cynicism will save no one.
Complimenting a hitter:
He’s cool as a cucumber, got a high motor, makes the hard plays look simple, a player’s player
Complimenting a pitcher:
They named a new type of rabies after him. Babies cry when he walks past. He strikes fear into the heart of his own mother