Anees Laher

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

[Anees Laher @nees14]

If Robert Downing Jr was my brother, I would call him Iron Bru

[Anees Laher @nees14]

I wish I worked for a company that manufactures boom gates. Business would always be booming... even though it will have its ups and downs

[Anees Laher @nees14]

I eat snails because I don't like fast food

[Anees Laher @nees14]

Security guards get the most amount of waves in a given day

[Anees Laher @nees14]

Suarez just felt for Italian food. #BanSuarez

[Anees Laher @nees14]

I've been single for a while now and it's going quite well... I think I'm the one

[OptaJoke @OptaJoke]

3 - Michael Owen has been ruled out for another 3 weeks with a head injury after thinking about retiring. Sicknote.

[Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys]

NEVER judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Unless he is wearing crocs. At that point you know he's a fag.

[Anees Laher @nees14]

Damn, I forgot that I have amnesia

[Anees Laher @nees14]

"@CauseWereGuys: "I wasn't that drunk" "Dude, you complemented some guys crocs.""

[Anees Laher @nees14]

No, I STILL don't ever feel like a plastic bag

[Nostradamage Spivey @shellyspivey]

I like when I make people realize they do stuff so they say, "I DO do that!" and then I laugh and laugh cuz they said "do do" and I'm 12.

[Anees Laher @nees14]

Dstv announcement: Liverpool's matches will now be shown on Comedy Central

[Anees Laher @nees14]

I'm stuck between thoughts

[Anees Laher @nees14]

Humpty Dumpty always lives on the edge

[Anees Laher @nees14]

"@MensHumor: #dontyouhateitwhen you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore."

[Anees Laher @nees14]

Damnit, just poked myself in the eye. But to be honest, I saw it coming

[Anees Laher @nees14]

Before doing anything, ask yourself "would an idiot do this?"

[Anees Laher @nees14]

If you feel cold, go and stand in the corner.. Its 90 degrees there

[Anees Laher @nees14]

"@ERlC_CARTMAN: I keep a baseball bat under the bed just in case someone breaks in and throws a ball at me."