@is_not_a_potato There's no one answer, but I'll bet that being physically separated from your family and home support networks because grad school, which was further exacerbated by a pandemic that meant you couldn't connect as much with a new peer network, probably has something to do with it.
PSA: Black people do not owe you grace or forgiveness as you “come to terms” with your racism. The idea that we “owe” you that is just another example of how we are expected to prioritize the comfort of others over our own.