lauren nelson

MSU 23

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

hobby lobby
- hates various kinds of people
- pillages middle east for artifacts
- wants you to have babies for some reason

michael’s
- gluestick
- pipe cleaner
- michael

[JP @jpbrammer]

fireworks don’t give me anything that ABBA can’t

[Austin J. Clements @ClementsAustinJ]

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

--my 2yo, clear as a bell, in the middle of PetSmart, upon seeing a snake in real life for the first time

[the hype @TheHyyyype]

[digging up ancient city]

archaeologist: i wonder when these people died

me: october 31st

archaeologist: how can u tell

me: they’re all dressed as skeletons

[ian @itsianraymond]

me and the girls when Fearless (Taylor’s Version) comes out

[˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ @babooshke]

anemic gf and human furnace bf

[dr. b 🐐 @CheckTheResume]

McGraw-Hill gotta be overwhelmed making these new history books

[nick 🦈 @bigsharkguy]

2020 bout to come back tomorrow wearing a fake mustache

[Joe @mojoejoejoemtz]

For the next stimulus check, you need to sell a certain amount of these chocolates to get it

[Brianna Chickenfry @BChickenfry]

I’m all for gender equality but I will never be shoveling a driveway thats for men

[Eddie Dougrou @didgeridougrou]

A “beyond burger” implies the existence of a “bed burger ” and a “bath burger”

[Evan Shanks @EvanShanks]

When she says look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t buy more car parts

[caca @clawdezz]

how it started: how it ended:
a kiss like this

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

time traveler: i love your volcano

pompeiian: our what?

time traveler: your mountain, your normal mountain