News42

Live: The Universe and Everything

(Parody)

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News42 brings you the latest news. Much later than anyone else.

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Breaking: after the Labour Party begins formal access talks with the Civil service, it’s agreed the Labour Party will look after Rishi Sunak on Wednesday nights and alternate weekends

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Billionaire discovers people not on payroll less likely to say every idea is genius

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BREAKING: Jacob Rees-Mogg is denied a role in Sunak’s new cabinet after being deemed ‘too tall’

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Amid a wild ride for the UK economy following the government’s budget, Jeremy Hunt is appointed Chancer of the Exchequer

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Chancellor to announce brand new policy to introduce a 45p top rate of tax for the very highest paid

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In an interview on the BBC’s Sunday political show this morning, PM Truss laid out the thinking behind her political ideas, saying “………………… …………….” and “…………………… ………………. ………….. ………………”

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Tories urge ‘trickle-down’ blame for economic policy, with all blame going to the Prime Minister and then only very small amounts reaching MPs

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LATEST: as post-budget fallout continues, PM Truss makes a mad dash to Kyiv for some positive PR… but has to turn back at Stansted after finding out the exchange rate

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BREAKING: The UK’s state of emergency was officially raised from DEFCON TEA to DEFCON GIN as of 1200 hours Wednesday

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BREAKING: PM Liz Truss admits to confusing the IMF with the KLF after setting fire to billions of pounds in a publicity stunt

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Members of the public may form an orderly queue to file past and pay their disrespects to the chancellor, who will be lying in a right state in Westminster Hall. The queue is expected to extend across London

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The government has announced a period of national mourning following its first budget

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Truth behind Center Parcs chaos revealed as Truss admits she’d planned to accommodate world leaders there on Monday night

#CenterParcs

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Britain faces its second succession in 24 hours after the unprecedented 96-gun salute to Queen Elizabeth accidentally brings down the helicopter of King Charles

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Liz Truss announces solution to energy crisis after hearing about Northern Ireland power-sharing agreement

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After the popularity of the ‘Clap for the NHS’ campaign in 2020 ministers are launching a new initiative.
The public are invited to stand on doorsteps at 8pm every Thursday to “give the NHS the finger”

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Boris Johnson becomes first UK citizen to be deported to Rwanda as by-election losses loom

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British Government launches consultation on reintroducing extra ‘e’ on the end of words. Jacob Rees-Mogg says he wants to return to “Ye goode olde fashionede Englande”

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With Britain’s return to imperial measurements, Subway is to rename the ‘foot-long sub’ as the ‘nine-inch sub’

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Nadine Dorries announces privatisation of #eurovision