News Libs

Twitter account featuring [high-minded synonym for making hacky topical jokes], no relation to [beloved children's fill-in-the-blanks game].

[News Libs @news_libs]

[Left hand] breaks with [right hand that doesn't know what the left hand is doing]: [Obvious truth] https://t.co/FxTB3i6x8o

[The Hill @thehill]

Giuliani breaks with Trump: Justice Dept IG report doesn't exonerate him https://t.co/DPRXlJmEZM

[News Libs @news_libs]

[Thing that would not be news in a functioning democracy] https://t.co/mQIjC8YQcH

[The Hill @thehill]

Trump credits Jim Acosta for a "very fair question" at Singapore press conference https://t.co/8HNRtFhu0H

[News Libs @news_libs]

[Dumb rhetorical question]? [Stupid first world bullshit] are [American decadence in city form]'s latest [fuck the people who make and eat these] https://t.co/QDofkiN15e

[CNN International @cnni]

In the mood for something fancy? These 24K gold chicken wings are NYC's latest weird food craze https://t.co/iuvXEy6yYx

[News Libs @news_libs]

[Allegedly innocent person]: I have "[Thing innocent person would TOTALLY bother saying]" https://t.co/PDcroT0iM0

[The Hill @thehill]

Trump: I have "the absolute right" to pardon myself https://t.co/gkMwDZ6taX

[News Libs @news_libs]

[Who?] Is Suing [What Now?] and [Huh?] for Ripping Off Her [Stupid Thing] https://t.co/igGGutxasA

[Cosmopolitan @Cosmopolitan]

Mars Argo Is Suing Titanic Sinclair and ThatPoppy for Ripping Off Her YouTube Persona https://t.co/e3o3bFTWDM

[News Libs @news_libs]

[Unsurprising thing], but [kinda surprising thing] https://t.co/IAft3ic88W

[Morning Edition @MorningEdition]

Social media heavily drove fake news, but it appears only a small share of people read a large share of fake news.
https://t.co/UBnDNEKqCt

[News Libs @news_libs]

@Newsweek [Question to which the answer is "Yes, dummy, obviously"]

[News Libs @news_libs]

[Real-life Frankenstein monster], a [made-up job], apologized for [sexist bullshit] https://t.co/Gi03uyLHVN

[The New York Times @nytimes]

Tony Robbins, a life coach, apologized for saying women use #MeToo to gain "significance" https://t.co/ZEc5Hy3QpS

[News Libs @news_libs]

@thehill [Guy who can't win anyway without gerrymandering] [something that is too little, too late]

[News Libs @news_libs]

@thehill [Pathetic used condom of a man] [thing that will immediately precede voting for whatever Trump poops out]

[News Libs @news_libs]

[Nearly filterless platform] is full of massively popular videos from "[liars]" https://t.co/7Eq9ql3Clp

[The A.V. Club @TheAVClub]

YouTube is full of massively popular videos from self-professed “time travelers” https://t.co/iUr5dgAr2x

[News Libs @news_libs]

[Duh] after [nativist 19th century trade war bullshit] https://t.co/kIXDfCEJqg

[The Hill @thehill]

Stocks sink moments after Trump announces massive tariffs on steel and aluminum https://t.co/sLytbkv5vC

[News Libs @news_libs]

JUST IN: [Container of putrid weasel shit]: [Thing that nobody should believe because of how obviously fucking untrue it is but millions will anyway] https://t.co/iSyIL1ZXGQ

[The Hill @thehill]

JUST IN: Trump: I would have run into Florida school during shooting even without a gun https://t.co/5cuQOlfOVK

[The Hill @thehill]

JUST IN: Trump: I would have run into Florida school during shooting even without a gun https://t.co/5cuQOlfOVK

[News Libs @news_libs]

[Asshole] taunts Democrats, saying [Thing that makes people go shop at Lowe's, instead] https://t.co/bbNEo4xO1k

[Newsweek @Newsweek]

Home Depot co-founder taunts Democrats, saying “use your stupid brains” on tax reform https://t.co/AIcs5k7gUA

[News Libs @news_libs]

[Man with no spine] on whether [justice obstructor] obstructed justice: [quote that proves he is a pathetic, quivering lump of jelly] https://t.co/5Hl2zxp7dl

[The Hill @thehill]

Dem senator on whether Trump obstructed justice: I'm not going "down that road" https://t.co/GTc2TORDB9

[News Libs @news_libs]

[Old-ass white dude who lost last time] gathers [stand-in for "sycophants"] to discuss [quixotic thing]: report https://t.co/gFrePmErhg

[The Hill @thehill]

Sanders gathers advisers to discuss 2020 run: report https://t.co/FtIs8oPsQF

[News Libs @news_libs]

Man Arrested After [inevitable result of anti-media propagandizing] https://t.co/SXSNTveP3E

[The Hill @thehill]

Man arrested after allegedly threatening mass shooting of CNN employees for being “fake news”: https://t.co/zNEsIGzD8u

[News Libs @news_libs]

Breaking News: [Hutt in poorly made human suit] said his "treasonous" quote in [the entire fucking zeitgeist right now] was not aimed at [person it was directly aimed at], as he [synonym for "chickened out"] https://t.co/Ed2jk5PIJZ

[The New York Times @nytimes]

Breaking News: Steve Bannon said his “treasonous” quote in a new book was not aimed at President Trump’s son, as he backed away from explosive comments https://t.co/3NnrPOU2Hx

[News Libs @news_libs]

Your [currency as legitimate as Bitcoin] could be worth [more than Bitcoin cause, like, you can actually convert it into USD] https://t.co/SY9udqKYD0

[TODAY @TODAYshow]

Your Precious Moments figurine could be worth thousands https://t.co/D5WpkyL8n2