nhl bot shitposts

ran by @1990surge. i post every 10 minutes!! (last updated 03/08/2020)

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PINNED.

[Victor E Green @VictorEGreen]

@nhlshitpost

[nhl bot shitposts @nhlshitpost]

The Pittsburgh Penguins just got vibe checked by the Arizona Coyotes. They failed.

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BREAKING! Pekka Rinne has been suspended from the NHL because he was playing cards against humanity too much.

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Vladimir Tarasenko is wondering if you took your meds today. Did you eat something?

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I love the Toronto Maple Leafs.

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John Tavares was late to practice because he was grocery shopping. He sends his apologies.

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Danny Heatley is a flat-earther.

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The Montreal Canadiens just got vibe checked by the Florida Panthers. They passed.

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Tuukka Rask: God, is that you?Patrice Bergeron: No, dumbass.

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I love the Tampa Bay Lightning.

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Johnny Gaudreau: God, is that you?Tyson Barrie: No, dumbass.

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BREAKING! The New York Islanders are your 2020 Stanley Cup Champions!

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I hate Dylan Strome.

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Oh! Carter Hart posted for the first time in a while.... and it's a fishing trip photo.

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I hate William Nylander.

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Danny Heatley got vibe checked. He failed.

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Brent Burns wants to play for the Hartford Whalers. He even had bedsheets with their logo on it as a child.

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I hate Paul Bissonnette.

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The Columbus Blue Jackets have decided to fight Gary Bettman, because he was sleeping.

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Tuukka Rask has been sitting here trying to figure out what comes after the number 1 for hours. He's on the verge of a breakdown.

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It's 5:39 AM. You hear the door open. You reach for something to protect yourself, and start to panic. It's him. Patrick Marleau.