Nick Maingi

MD

[Cello/Phn @Cellowphane]

Salem would have had her set to broil by noon

[Sir @Stanonline_]

UberEats prices will have you defrosting the meat and washing the rice at 9pm.

[shad @SSshadali]

my sister missed a payment on her tesla and it drove back to the dealership on its own

[capricorn representative @antiromatics]

mom talking about enrolling my autistic brother to martial arts classes like he won’t use the skills to beat us to death

[crxzyy @crxzyy72]

Arsenal washing their community shield so they can show Vinicius 😂😂😂

[Josh Berman @NextNetworkJosh]

Top 5 tweet of the year

[1️⃣ @LeekNabers]

just met a cute girl at this wedding i’m at

like actually cute. objectively dangerous face card.

we’re talking. vibes are immaculate. she’s laughing at my jokes. i’m in my bag.

then sports get brought up, she says it

“i watch football”

my ears PERKED up

i played it cool. i said “oh nice, what’s your team”

she said “i’m a giants fan”

and that’s where a normal person would’ve said “cool, me too” and gotten her number

but i am not a normal person

my brain instantly went into terminal mode and i said “what do you think of the team?”

she looked confused

i kept going

“Darius Slayton as our WR2? Are you kidding me. Matt Nagy as our OC? Did you see what he did to Patrick Mahomes? Our franchise qb and franchise edge rusher hate each other. And we traded away our superstar DT”

she laughed nervously and said “what”

and i said “And don’t even get me started on Cam Skattebo basically trying to get himself injured”

she said “what”

and i said “so do you even follow the team”

she said “I literally have a Darius Slayton Jersey”

the vibe was GONE

just vanished. Just like Daniel Jones in primetime.

her friend pulled her away. she didn’t look back.

i was standing there alone at a wedding holding a drink i wasn’t even sipping, doing MENTAL MATH on how someone could claim to be a giants fan and think this Darius Slayton deserved that contract.

my cousin walked over and said “bro she looked into you what happened”

i said “she’s a casual”

he said “so?”

SO???

i then realized i would rather cut off my entire family than to share a bloodline with someone of the same species that couldn’t comprehend this

she had a pretty face but a DISGUSTING perspective on life that i just couldn’t get behind

could’ve had her number

she could’ve been the mother of my children

COULD’VE.

but now at least she knows i know ball

and honestly that’s worth more

[Callme_Wéalth🧘‍♂️ 💦EndSars 𓃵 @Lexyzdooo]

The land wey God tell Abraham to leave, I dey suspect say nah Nigeria

[Gitz  @Gitz__]

An african scamming drug lords is some poetic poem.

[𝐊𝖆𝖇𝖊𝖑𝖔🀄️ @ShanksThfc]

Nonchalant gimmick failed I love her so much

[WARÚHIÚ @kamauwaruhiu]

There is a Subaru group on WhatsApp that just removed someone who owns a Subaru trezia . Mko na madharau sana.

[certain planes @happier_isles]

costco has adidas track suits for $30 and now my whole family looks like eastern european gangsters

[Batu @yetkisizherif]

bugün internette izleyeceğiniz en iyi video olabilir

[Jack @FuneralDrinker]

Isn't clitoris the guy who flew too close to the sun and his wings fell off?

[yogi @DJpastawater]

I’ll never forget my first meal in London (a coffee and a croissant) and it said 9 pounds I was like okay no biggie. Checked my credit card that shit said $17

[26 @Eryr_]

A friend who is an experienced international chef with 20 years of experience has told me that no goose in the history of cooking has ever been cooked like the president's goose.

[_NgArE @Ngare_wa_Njogo]

The stark difference between earlier years when I was first concious of how gvt works v Now;(2002-Now);

1.DCJ Nancy Baraza RESIGNS after accusations of pinching the nose of a security guard v CoA Judge Muchelule ‘s gun is used in a daylight robbery yet no action from the JSC

[Gabinete de Produtividade ltda. @gabinete_ltda]

Exemplo didático de uma carreira que foi arruinada (criativamente) pela falta do uso de droga.

[tony stark naked @cheesemom69]

favorite bar is right next to an old movie theater so naturally i’m drunk watching the odyssey

[Mhlonishwa @Tayo_555]

When a hun complains that I am stingy but she is missing the fact that she does not turn me on financially. 😭🤚🏽