Nicolas Giassi

Words are limited to the imagination, but some things are valued more untold, grants the mind to wander.

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... everything else was made in China

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

@GavinNewsom You are by all definitions, a corrupt politician that wants to destroy small businesses and empower large corporations. You’re a joke of a governor that’s borderline communist. You don’t want the nation to succeed, you want your pockets to grow.

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

I was fired from my last job because they searched my desk and found coke… I didn't want to work at Pepsi Co anyways

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

If you replace your morning coffee with green tea… you can lose up to 87% of what little joy you have left in your life

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

You shouldn't trust people with constipation… they're full of shit

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

Managers are like diapers… always on your ass and normally full of shit

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

Everyone has a friend that’s always in toxic relationships and acts like a bull… every time there's a red flag, they run towards it

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

Me: “When I donate blood I do not extract it myself, a nurse does it for me.”

Receptionist: “Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn’t work that way.”

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

How do you milk sheep?… Release a “new" iPhone every year and charge $1500 for it

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

Politicians are like diapers… you should change them often cus they’re full of 💩

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

Originality is undetected plagiarism

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains and a park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You cant do that here!”… I said "Why not?" And he said, "You have to cremate him first!”

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

I named my 2 dogs "Calvin & Klein”… they're boxers

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

Dogs are the best, I have a lab… a meth lab, but I guard it with pitbulls

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

A cockroach can survive a nuclear bomb, but if you swat it with a newspaper it would die instantly… just shows how toxic the media is

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

A doctor gave me pills and he said I, "need to take 1 pill everyday for the rest of my life.”… I looked at the bottle and said, “but doc, there are only 3 pills in here.”

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

I’m going to invent an expensive weight loss placebo pill that drains your bank account... so you don’t have money for food

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

What word is innocent and dirty at the same time? I’ll start… Showerhead

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

What word is innocent and dirty at the same time?… Showerhead

[Nicolas Giassi @nickgiassi]

A dirty book is rarely dusty… let that sink in